Haunted

 A year ago today, the other woman watched my kids for me while I went to work.  I wouldn't really call it work, it's more like my hobby.  But I had to leave and she was so nice (sarcasm) to watch my kids for me.  I would be able to come and get them and have a 2 hour break before I had to go back and she was so nice (sarcasm) to invite our family over to dinner because "she wanted me to be able to relax and not stress about cooking for my family".  How NICE (sarcasm) of her! 

 

Well, we get there, and lo and behold, her husband happened to get called out to work.  So there she was sitting at the kitchen table smack in between my husband and I while all our kids played and laughed outside.  We talked about what we might do on our couples trip to St. George in a few weeks and talked and laughed.  The time came that I had to go back to work.  I felt bad pulling the kids away and felt bad that I was leaving my husband alone to take care of the kids and so I let him stay there, but told him to leave in 30 minutes and was very firm about that, as I had uneasy feelings about leaving him there alone with her.  But I was confident he would leave asap.

 

As I drove home from my job, I called to say I was on my way home and found out instead of staying 30 more minutes, he stayed TWO HOURS!  I had a pit in my stomach.  I was angry at first, but it quickly subsided because DUH! Of course nothing happened between them! Why would I even think such a thing.  She was my friend. Why was I being so weird!! 

 

Now that I know what was going on at that time, I feel sick to my stomach about that day.  It was towards the end of their time together, so by that time, they had shared almost 4000 texts, met up over 6 times, shared hundreds of minutes together on the phone, kissed and told each other that they loved each other.

 

I am haunted by our smiles and conversations at that dinner table and for a long while I could not work any more.  Because if I were to be away doing that same kind of work, all I could think about was that night.  And how I felt so happy and content doing something I love, while the husband that I loved was supporting me while I did it. I am haunted by the feelings I had when I found out her husband was not going to be there.  Everything inside me screamed to GET OUT!  But the nice person in me gave them both the trust that nothing would happen. Little did I know, something already WAS happening.

 

 Looking back, I remember feeling like her house was a dirty mess and that the dinner (gross, cheap hot dogs) was sickening, but of course I looked past that because friends don't judge friends.  But no more of those cheap and gross rubbery hot dogs for me.  I'm only going beef hot dogs from here on out!