What Every Husband Should DO when your wife is sick

It hit me hard yesterday.  A bug causing me to run to the bathroom every 15 minutes for the first half of the day.  I couldn't eat anything, head throbbing and I felt like my body just got ran over by a truck.  Good thing I didn't have any plans and my kids were at school for most of the day. It's one of those days where you wish your mom still lived with you, to nurse you back to health.  I got up to try to make myself some toast later in the afternoon and thought I was going to pass out. 

 

I WILL give my husband a little bit of credit...he came home from work a little early and helped me out a little and was able to be there when the kids got home from school.  So I didn't have to worry about that.  And even though he did everything I asked, I felt so bossy because I had to keep telling him what to do.  Asking him to make me some soup.  Asking him to make the kids dinner.  Asking him to help the kids with their homework, etc. And while he did all those things, for some reason I was SOOOO bugged that I had to ask him to do them.  Not once did he come check on me or ask if I needed anything on his own.

 

I know, I sound like a BIG brat, and maybe I am, but this is what was going on with me:

 

The day before was a Monday, I got the entire house clean.  Bathroom, bedrooms, kitchen, vacuumed floors, etc.  The house was looking beautiful.  Tuesday morning the bug hits.  I can't do a thing.  By 7:00pm and 10 Grey's Anatomy episodes later, I muster up enough energy to hobble out of my bedroom to see what everyone else is doing.  The kitchen IS. A. DISASTER.  We are out of dishes because they are strewn all over the counters, kitchen table, sink, etc.  Empty food boxes and other garbage all over the place.  Shoes, backpacks, homework, etc all over the family room and floors. I was so mad. And to top it all off, my husband is laying on the couch watching TV.

 

Still feeling quite crappy, I got more and more bugged as I started to walk around the kitchen to clean everything up.  I got the kitchen spotless, started the dishwasher and did the laundry all while crying and my husband didn't even so much as look my way.  He didn't even ask how I was doing or if I needed help.  Needless to say I was pretty pissed off.  My body was still feeling sick, so I finished up and went to lay back in my bed.  I thought MAYBE my husband might want to watch something with me and hang out when the kids go to bed at 8, since all I've been able to do is lay in bed all day.  But about 8, I still hear kids going strong and so I call out to them and say, "It's time for bed guys!" and my husband calls out, "Calm down! I'll take care of it".  Well, he didn't come and sit with me until an hour later.  All that time, I'm just seething with anger, crying about everything and feeling sorry for myself.  So the night ended with him going to bed early and I'm out on the couch watching a movie all by myself.

 

Ok, so maybe I'm a BIG brat.  Maybe I looked at all the negatives instead of the positives. But come on people, I was sick, ok? Sometimes you just can't help it.  I know we are adults, but when we are sick, it still sucks.

 

A thought came to me, that MAYBE there are men out there googling TIPS to help their wife when she is sick.  There are probably not many, but JUST IN CASE.  Or maybe some of you wives want to pass this on to your husband right now...just so he can be prepared for when the day comes:

 

WHAT EVERY HUSBAND SHOULD DO WHEN THEIR WIFE IS SICK:

1.  Even if the house wasn't clean to begin with, START CLEANING.  There is nothing worse for a housewife than the helplessness of not being able to keep her house under control.  I will guarantee you that when your wife finally is able to emerge from her dark pit of sickness and despair, it will MAKE. HER. DAY to know that she doesn't have to worry about household duties while trying to recover from her horrendous sickness.  Not to mention, it can make a person feel even more nautious when you see and smell unfinished food that has been left out everywhere.

2.  Make sure you know what CLEAN THE KITCHEN means.  There have been times in the past when I have asked my husband if he could clean the kitchen.  I come home and it doesn't look like anything was done.  Well, apparently, to him, a clean kitchen means that the dishes are done.  No, that's not what that means.  You don't have to get out the hardcore cleaning supplies and scrub brushes (but by all means, feel free), but you should do the following: Clear all countertops and table tops COMPLETELY (nothing should be on them any more) and then wipe them down, dishes done, sink rinsed out of any leftover food, and floors swept of any crumbs left behind, and put any leftover food in the fridge or pantry.

3.  Learn the phrase, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? And say it to her every 30 minutes.  Yes, that seems like a lot and of course if she is sleeping, there is no need to wake her up for this.  But it's the hardest thing to be stuck in bed.  Even if she just might need a drink of water, it's nice to not have to call out for help whenever it's needed.   I hate feeling like I'm being an inconvenience and if I have to call out every 30 minutes for something, chances are, I'm probably not going to do it.  I'd probably live without water for 3 hours than feel like I'm bossing people around. 

4.  GET THE KIDS TO BED ON TIME.  Yes, the bed time routine might be a little bit messed up without both parents to handle the kids, but the kids still need to go to bed on time.  Mom needs it, Dad will need it and even more so, the kids will need it.  They most likely have school the next day and no one wants to deal with cranky kids.

5.  Make a GROCERY STORE trip if needed.  If it's a stomach bug, check to make sure you have some Sprite, some saltine crackers, bread for toast and some kind of brothy Chicken Noodle Soup.  If  it's more of a cold kind of flu, you'll still want the Chicken Noodle Soup, plenty of tissues and maybe make sure you have enough Day-Quil, cough drops, or whatever kind of medication you prefer.  And make sure she is drinking lots of fluids!  All of these things will help her get back to herself again sooner.

6.  Help her have a CHANGE OF SCENERY.  If she's stuck in bed all day long, ask her if she might want you to help her to another room.  Maybe watch a movie together when the kids go to bed.  It was a pretty crappy day, and so this can be a boost for her spirits.  Maybe you can run a nice hot bath for her!  It can be hard to sit in one place all day.  We do it because it takes to much work to do anything else! So some help would be nice. 

7.  DO NOT COMPLAIN about any of the above.  Your attitude makes all the difference here.  Even if you are doing everything above, if you are sighing heavily or grunting about it, the effort is not going to mean anything.  In fact, like I mentioned above, if I feel like I'm being an inconvenience in any way, I'll just stop asking for help. Remember that your wife did not choose to be sick.  It is not her fault.  And it definitely is NOT "a day off" by any means. 

8.  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.  I didn't want to leave this out because it's the worst if you're next to get what she had!! Wash your hands a LOT!  Make sure you are also drinking lots of fluids as well. 

Good luck to you men!! And wives, if you see your husband making an effort with ANY of these things, the best thing to do is to say thank you.  A lot.  For a lot of men, this is all out of their comfort zone and it's always nice to know your efforts were noticed.  Yes, maybe I need to take some of my own advice. 

April 2014 Conference - "Gratitude" by Dieter F Uchtdorf

 There are always SO many good reminders during General Conference, but there was one talk in particular that stood out to me.  It was by President Uchtdorf during the Sunday morning session and he talked about being grateful.  Something we all know about, but he suggested taking a different view on it.  He said:

 

"We CAN be Grateful.  It might sound contrary to the wisdom of the world that one who is burdened with sorrow, should give thanks to God, but those who set aside the bottle of bitterness and lift instead the goblet of gratitude can find a purifying drink of healing, peace and understanding .

Focusing on what we are grateful FOR is the wrong approach.   It is difficult to develop a spirit of gratitude if our thankfulness is only proportional to the number of blessings we can count. True, it is important to frequently Count Our Blessings and anyone who has tried this, knows that there are MANY.  But I don't believe that the Lord expects us to be less thankful in times of trial than in times of abundance and ease. 

We need to seek gratitude as a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situation.  Instead of being thankful FOR things, be thankful IN our current situation, whatever that may be.

The choice is ours.

We can choose to limit our gratitude based on the blessings we feel we lack.... or we can choose to be grateful No. Matter. What.  This type of gratefulness transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement and despair.  It blooms just as beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the blessed warmth of summer."

"We sometimes think that being grateful is something we do AFTER our problems are solved.  But how terribly shortsided that is.  How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain.

Being grateful in times of distress does NOT mean we are pleased with our circumstances.

It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present day challenges.  This is not a gratitude of the lips, but of the soul.  It heals the heart and expands the mind.  Being grateful IN our circumstances is an act of faith in God. 

Gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony.  It comes from acknowledgeing that we do not always understand the trials of life, but trusting that one day we will."

 

I actually didn't mean to quote so much, but he just says it so well! ;)

 

I'm not the best at being grateful in times of trial, but I think I've come to attempt it in my own way.  I'm stuck in a pretty crappy situation...not being able to fully move on while 'the other woman' is still living behind me and in my ward.  It's hard to go to church when I'm reminded of all the pain and hurt that I've suffered. 

There are many days I wish I could just curl up in a ball in my room and never leave. 

But instead of doing that, I try to find happiness in other places. 

 I try to plan things with my family that we can have fun with, whether we are exploring new places, playing games, visiting family, etc

I try to find happiness in my work, in the things I need to get done around the house, in taking care of my family or serving others. 

My hope is that this will carry me through until circumstances change.

Right now, it's the best that I can do.

"About Time" & Enjoying The Ride

I watched this movie with my husband the other night.  My rating is 4 out of 5 stars.  It's not my most favorite movie ever and I would be willing to watch it again, but not jumping out of my seat to do so.  BUT I gave it such a high rating because of the message.  It made me tear up in the end and I loved some of the quotes in the end. 

I don't want to give too much away, for those that still need to see it, but if you are worried about the R rating, it's one of those movies that is only rated that high because of a few F words, one glimpse of a naked poster...and maybe too many sexual situations? But they don't show any nudity in these scenes.   Anyway, it's a story of a young man who finds out he has a passed down ability to travel back in time.   Yes, Rachel McAdams is in ANOTHER time traveling movie. Strange!

Anyway, his dad tells him of this new ability and at some point in the movie says tells him what HIS dad told him:

"He told me his secret formula for happiness. Part one of the two part plan was that I should just get on with ordinary life, living it day by day, like anyone else.  But then came part two of Dad's plan. He told me to live every day AGAIN almost exactly the same. The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time NOTICING."

 

And when I heard this, I thought oooh, that's such a good idea! Well, a great idea if you can time travel anyway. ;) And I loved that they were using their ability in a good way...still a little bit selfish, but at least they were doing it to try to make a difference in their lives.

And if you HATE movies to be spoiled, don't worry, I'm not going to explain the entire ending or whatever, but I just HAVE to share the last quotes.  So if you are very picky...DO NOT READ AHEAD. 

But at the end of the movie, the son, seen below, said the following:

"In the end I think I've learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I've even gone one step further than my father did: The truth is, I now don't travel back at all, not even for the day, I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life."

 

 And then he goes on to say:

"We're all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride."

And with that last sentence, I thought to myself...how wonderful that they ended with this message! It's a beautiful reminder.  I need to print it out and keep it all around the house! 

 

Anyway, if you haven't seen it...I recommend giving it a chance.  It can feel a tad bit slow...but the actors did a great job and I enjoyed it.