"About Time" & Enjoying The Ride

I watched this movie with my husband the other night.  My rating is 4 out of 5 stars.  It's not my most favorite movie ever and I would be willing to watch it again, but not jumping out of my seat to do so.  BUT I gave it such a high rating because of the message.  It made me tear up in the end and I loved some of the quotes in the end. 

I don't want to give too much away, for those that still need to see it, but if you are worried about the R rating, it's one of those movies that is only rated that high because of a few F words, one glimpse of a naked poster...and maybe too many sexual situations? But they don't show any nudity in these scenes.   Anyway, it's a story of a young man who finds out he has a passed down ability to travel back in time.   Yes, Rachel McAdams is in ANOTHER time traveling movie. Strange!

Anyway, his dad tells him of this new ability and at some point in the movie says tells him what HIS dad told him:

"He told me his secret formula for happiness. Part one of the two part plan was that I should just get on with ordinary life, living it day by day, like anyone else.  But then came part two of Dad's plan. He told me to live every day AGAIN almost exactly the same. The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time NOTICING."

 

And when I heard this, I thought oooh, that's such a good idea! Well, a great idea if you can time travel anyway. ;) And I loved that they were using their ability in a good way...still a little bit selfish, but at least they were doing it to try to make a difference in their lives.

And if you HATE movies to be spoiled, don't worry, I'm not going to explain the entire ending or whatever, but I just HAVE to share the last quotes.  So if you are very picky...DO NOT READ AHEAD. 

But at the end of the movie, the son, seen below, said the following:

"In the end I think I've learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I've even gone one step further than my father did: The truth is, I now don't travel back at all, not even for the day, I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life."

 

 And then he goes on to say:

"We're all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride."

And with that last sentence, I thought to myself...how wonderful that they ended with this message! It's a beautiful reminder.  I need to print it out and keep it all around the house! 

 

Anyway, if you haven't seen it...I recommend giving it a chance.  It can feel a tad bit slow...but the actors did a great job and I enjoyed it.

 

5 Steps To Overcoming Your Mistakes

{There's this REALLY interesting youtube channel called VSauce. Almost everything he has to say is pretty fascinating.  And he says it in such an interesting way! Go check it out }

A video from VSauce inspired this post.

His video called MISTAKES

 

"(Mistakes) are as much a part of us today

As the stuff we've gotten right"

 

 

I like the metaphor he gives at 6:23

Here is what he says:

"How do you deal with regret?
Guilt? 

Can you?

Stuff in your past is like a carving on the bark of a sapling

Over time the scar, the carving, won't go away

Because of the way trees grow, it won't go up and down much either

It'll just stay right where it began.

It might even get darker,

but it won't get bigger.

YOU, however

CAN!

You can keep growing

Doing more things, more branches

BE more things!

The wound won't get smaller,

but you can make IT a smaller part of who you are."

Of course, this is easier said than done.

Here are 6 steps to follow
when trying to overcome your mistakes

1. FEEL SOMETHING : Whether it's guilt or regret or shame, it's a good sign..  It means that you recognize that you made a mistake and you feel bad about it. You can't learn from your mistakes if you don't even feel like you made one!  And don't be ashamed of your SHAME.  Don't lie to avoid confronting your shame and guilt.  The people who truly love you in your life will be ready to listen and will still accept you for who you are.  So don't be afraid to feel something and share those feelings!!

2.  ACCEPT IT :  Let go of trying to justify your mistake. Let go of trying to place blame.  No matter who or what led to your decision, it was still YOUR choice. Just accept that you made a mistake.  It's part of life.  We all make them.  Man up and just take responsibility for the mistake that you made and tell yourself that you want to do better. YOU HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN A VALUABLE LIFE LESSON, but you have to first take responsibility.

3. APOLOGIZE : If your mistake affected another person, it is important that you let them know you are sorry.  They may not be ready to forgive you, but the important thing is that they hear you say it. It's the only way to begin to rebuild trust.  If you are religious, this may be the time to get on your knees and ask forgiveness from your Father in Heaven.  He wants to help you through it and take the guilt off of your shoulders.

4. UNDERSTAND & LEARN : Why did the mistake happen? To avoid making the same mistakes, sometimes we learn of a bad habit that we need to break.  Is there something that could have done to avoid the mistake? Maybe you shouldn't have been in a certain place or been with a certain person at all.  Don't let yourself fall into the "What Ifs" so you can start beating yourself up again, but let yourself see how you got into the situation in the first place so that you can LEARN from them.  We need to learn something from our mistakes to be able to view your them as useful stepping stones on our way to a better life. Learning from them will help us lower the risk of repeating them.

5. LIGHTEN UP : Don't be so hard on yourself! Making mistakes doesn't make you a bad person.  Making stupid decisions doesn't mean you are a stupid person.  It's the way you handle them that determines what kind of person you are. Let go of PERFECTION and you will feel so much lighter.   Handle your mistakes with grace & maturity (by following all of the above steps) and you will slowly start to be able to forgive yourself and move on. 
 

Say Something

 

This is a REALLY popular song right now

"Say Something" by A Great Big World, feat Christina Aguilera

I hear it all over the radio

It really is beautiful to listen to

But can be so sad when you really listen to the words

Push play and follow the lyrics below

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

 I'll be the one, if you want me to.

 Anywhere I would've followed you.

 Say something, I'm giving up on you.

 

And I am feeling so small.

 It was over my head

 I know nothing at all.

And I will stumble and fall.

 I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl.

Say something,

 

I'm giving up on you.

 I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

Anywhere I would've followed you.

 Say something, I'm giving up on you.

 

And I will swallow my pride.

 You're the one that I love

 And I'm saying goodbye.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

 

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

 And anywhere I would've followed you.

Oh-oh-oh-oh

 Say something, I'm giving up on you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

 Say something...

 

 

I'm sure this song can be interpreted a number of ways

The video itself poses 3 different situations someone might be in when relating to this song

It touched me most when relating to a couple struggling in their relationship

 

My favorite part of the lyrics are

"I know nothing at all

And I will stumble & fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl"

 

It is SO TRUE!

Isn't it?

I don't think there is anyone on this earth that knows how to love perfectly

There are so many factors that affect how we love

How we grew up

The people who loved us and raised us

And then you meet someone who may have learned how to love in a different way

And then everything we experience along the way

 changes who we are and how we love

 

When my husband cheated on me,

it wasn't physical

It was emotional

And going through that experience taught me that

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl

I had barely touched the surface of what it means to love

There were so many things I wasn't doing

Because I hadn't yet learned how

 

That's why second chances are so important

Instead of getting so frustrated or angry with our spouse over something we feel they should have
already KNOWN how to do,

We need to understand that we are all still learning

So SAY SOMETHING

Talk to your spouse in a loving way

Let them know that you love them

But that you need something to change

Have a heartfelt conversation

 

And if you are on the receiving end of this plea

LISTEN and then SAY SOMETHING back

Don't let yourself get defensive

Don't let yourself feel judged

Don't let yourself pull away from them right when they are trying to reach out.

Your version of the song doesn't have to include

"And I'm saying goodbye"

Don't Be In A Hurry

Since finding out about the affair 9 months ago, my life has really slowed down a TON.

That is probably because I dropped everything I was doing.

 I dropped facebook, I dropped friend activities, book club, etc.

And you know what??

I've liked it.

I look at some of my friends that are ALWAYS on the go and it exhausts me. (not that there is anything wrong with that and maybe they just LOVE their life that way and that is fine)

But I used to be that kind of person and I wonder why?

What for?

Why did I need to participate in EVERYTHING that was going on?

I mean, I think certain things are important...mainly where service comes in like watching other people's kids or making someone dinner, etc.

But anyone out there who feels like they can't have a gap in their schedule :

I challenge you to just take ONE WEEK and not schedule anything.

 Spend more quiet time with your kids and with your husband and with yourself.

 Don't get on facebook.

Don't be in a hurry to cross everything off of your to-do list.

Like the song says : Let the world go on without you (because it will).  Enjoy the beautiful weather that we are having and breathe it in. 

It might help to imagine you live on the prairie like Laura Ingles. haha

 

You know my old car needs washing

And the front yard needs a trim

And the telephone keeps ringing

And the bossman knows I know it's him

And the bills ain't gonna pay themselves

Don't matter anyway

'Cause I ain't in no hurry today

Nothing wrong when I know

Cane fishing pole and smell of early spring

Sit down in a fold up easy chair

On a quiet, shady river bank

Let the world go on without me

Wouldn't have it any other wa

y'Cause I ain't in no hurry today

Ain't in no hurry, 

I'd be a fool now to worry

About all those things I can't change

And the time that I borrow can wait till tomorrow

'Cause I ain't in no hurry today

When I must return to the cold, cold ground

Have 'em take their time when they lay their sinner down

Heaven knows that I ain't perfect, ways of little Caine

And I plan to raise a whole lot more before I hear those angels sing

Gonna get by with the Lord

But there'll be hell to pay

But I ain't in no hurry

Ain't in no hurry,

 I'd be a fool now to worry

About all those things I can't change

And the time that I borrow can wait till tomorrow

'Cause I ain't in no hurry, ain't in no hurry, ain't in no hurry today

Why I Fight For My Marriage

 

It's a question no one wants to think about.

What would YOU do if your husband cheated on you?

As women, I think we'd want to be strong

and kick him to the curb!

Is that being strong?

I suppose in some situations it could be

But in mine, it would have been the easy way out.

 

I'd like to think I'm being strong

by STAYING and FIGHTING for my marriage.

 

For me, I knew the man that cheated on me was not the same man I married

But I BELIEVED he was still in there somewhere

 I chose to give him a second chance

And the time it took to come back to me

I chose to fight for the love I knew we had always had

and to HOPE that we could find it again.

 

It was NOT easy

It was one of the hardest things I've ever done

But I'm so grateful I did.

Because even though a terrible mistake happened,

I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else.

 

I got the above quote from the TV series "Brothers & Sisters"

You can see the full quote below

When I heard it, it really struck a chord with me.

That I wasn't only fighting for ME, or for HIM

But I was fighting for US

I was fighting for our FAMILY

 

So why do I fight for my marriage?

Because it is worth fighting for.

 

 

50 Fun & RANDOM date night/road trip questions!

 

 

 

I've been seeing a lot of blog posts floating around out there with titles like "50 questions to ask your spouse on a date night".  Almost all have the purpose of helping you get to know each other better, but also to give you something to talk about when your mind is drawing a blank.  That happens to me ALL. THE. TIME.  Sometimes all I can think to talk about is stuff about the kids or the schedule for the week, etc.  Or sometimes television and movies are used as the prime way of spending time together.  GUILTY!  I certainly love my shows and I love cuddling with my hubby, but I've learned how important it is to stay connected, and while it's ok to have TV and cuddle time, that's NOT going to cut it if that's all you do.  

 

I like these Fun and Random questions because they're not your typical questions you'll see in other posts, like "what is your favorite food, favorite hobby, biggest dreams" or sometimes the questions get really deep so that you can really dig into your relationship and what is happening there.  Don't get me wrong...the deep stuff is important too.  In fact, I may make a future post about my favorites from those lists. But this post is to give you some questions that are a little more fun and crazy, AND yet most of them will still help you get to know your spouse a little better.  Heck, you might even laugh about some of them.  And that's what you want too...to have FUN together! ;)

 

"Research has found that people are happier when they have more fun in their lives. Studies have also shown that the most happily married couples are happy because they have a lot of fun together." -from 5 Tips To Increase The Fun In Your Marriage-

 

I found these from a board game we have. We were taking a 4 hour drive and so I just grabbed the box of cards that comes in it and left the rest of the game home.  We found that the questions on the cards not only helped us pass the time on the long drive, but we had a lot of fun with them! So whether you are hanging out in bed, out to dinner or on a road trip, have some fun with these random questions.

1. What movie deserves a sequel?
2. What one toy would you like to throw repeatedly at a brick wall?
3. What is one thing a woman should never do?
4. Who would you hate to see naked?
5. What is your favorite kind of cereal?
6. What is one thing you always wanted as a kid, but never got?
7. If you were in a witness protection program, what would be your alias?
8. What is the nicest thing someone else has done for you?
9. If you could bring someone famous back from the grave, who would you choose?
10. Where do you not mind waiting?
11. If you could lock up one person in a mental institution, who would it be?
12. What is your favorite potato chip flavor?
13. If you could project yourself into the past, were would you go?
14. What is your most impressive car repair skill?
15. What is the best sports stadium/arena you have been to?
16. What would you refuse to do for one million dollars?
17. If you were home on a rainy Sunday afternoon, what movie would you want to see on television?
18. What historical figure would you most like to have a discussion with?
19. If you could close one fast food chain, due to disgusting food, what would you pick?
20. What is one thing you refuse to share?
21. If you went to a psychiatrist, what would he/she say you suffer from?
22. If you could be on the cover of any magazine, what would you choose?
23. What makes you really sleepy?
24. What one thing annoys you most at a restaurant?
25. What do people do too much of today?
26. What is the most inspiring movie you have ever seen?
27. What household chore have you never done?
28. How do you like to relax?
29. In what part of the world would you hate to be by yourself?
30. To what would you like to devote more time?
31. What would be the best thing about not having a sense of smell?
32. Where would you not go back to for a vacation?
33. What is the scariest scene you remember from a kid's movie?
34. If you could dis-invent one thing, what would it be?
35. What always makes you a more confident person?
36. What is the greatest pain you have ever suffered?
37. If you could buy one object to complete your home, what would it be?
38. What was your favorite childhood game?
39. Who is the most famous person you have ever met?
40. If fat, calories, cholesterol, etc were not an issue, what two foods would you feast on?
41. If you could be a member of any TV-sitcom family, which would it be?
42. What is your favorite movie line or scene?
43. What part of your body could use a little lotion?
44. What language would you like to master?
45. If you were directing a movie, who would you cast as your leading man and woman?
46. Aside from lettuce, what are your two favorite salad ingredients?
47. If you had to dispose of a dead body, how would you do it?
48. Do you have a place where you would like to go and think? If so, where?
49. What is your favorite event in the Winter Olympics?
50. What profession have you always admired?

If you enjoyed these, you can find some more here:
http://www.mrdarcycheated.blogspot.com/2013/04/50-questions-for-family-road-trip.html

Happy AND Sad

Every spring, it's always an amazing sight to see buds on the trees but yet snow on the mountains.  (Can you see the mountains in the background? It's kind of hard to tell) In fact, here in Salt Lake City it seems to have snowed the last week in April for the last few years I've lived here! Just because there are buds doesn't mean the snow is gone for good.

I'm amazed that two completely different things can exist at the same time.  When I think about this, I think about the feelings and thoughts that go through my head.  About how one moment I am hurt, angry and feeling like the pain will never end and then the next moment I can actually feel like my life is good and feel the love I have with my husband.  Two completely different feelings kind of playing tug-a-war inside my mind and heart and they can change back and forth in an instant.

 

I haven't read the book The Perks of Being A Wallflower, but I found this quote from it:

Of course I would prefer to be happy.  Who wouldn't?  But I also know that we could not know true happiness without feeling the sad, which makes it hard to not be grateful for the sad.  I'm just tired of the back and forth.  Can I just be TRULY happy for a long stretch of time? That's all I ask.