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Sunday, March 24, 2013

An Untold Story

The first post on a new blog is a little stressful.  It's like the opening number to a live show.  You know what I mean.  The loud music, bright lights, dancers doing flips across the stage.  You might even see some fire.  So you can see how I feel a lot of pressure to produce something awe-inspiring and thought provoking.

I'm not even sure a blog is a good idea.  I don't feel like I'm very good with articulating exactly what I want to get across.  I can never quite decide how I want to say things. 

 Despite my insecurities, I decided to start this blog when I came across the following quote :

And so, here I am, opening myself up to the world because really, I have an untold story.  And I HAVE felt the agony of keeping it inside  I'm just sorry that I have to be anonymous. It gets tricky because the things I'll blog about aren't ONLY mine to share.  You see, my husband had an emotional affair with one of my friends.  And as much as one might think he deserves to be left standing naked in the middle of the town square, it's not fair for me to expose him.  He's sorry for what he did and is trying hard to make up for it.  I still love him and I know that he loves me.  So you can understand that moving forward would be quite hard if our neighbors, friends and family knew the gory heavy details.

After the affair came to light, I disconnected from everything I had going on in my life.  I've even been off of facebook! I could I do such a thing?!  I lost faith in a lot of things.  The biggest ones were probably friends and the way I spent my time.   How could I have been the best friend I could be to HER and she turns around and does this to me?  I am now unsure that ANYONE has been my friend.  And how could I have been so blind to see that my attention has been in the wrong places?  To quote one of my REAL friends, I used to be "someone who was very aware of other people, very creative, very excited about trying new things and meeting new people, and willing to put myself out there and be someone who people could count on".   But the way I see it right now, THAT person put my marriage and my happiness in danger. 

So now that I have so much time on my hands, I've decided to blog about REINVENTING myself.  A "rebirth" so to speak.  If I don't want to be the person I WAS, I've got to figure out who I want to be NOW or I am going to continue to feel LOST.  So be prepared to hear plenty of venting about what I've been through, but I also will share things I've learned about relationships with my husband, kids, family and friends as well as things that just make me happy!  I've had a hard time finding the happiness in life and so I'm hoping this blog will help revive me.  Thanks for listening!

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