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Tuesday, July 30, 2013

PTSD from an affair?

PTSD criteria, PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, trauma from an affair

Below is the criteria for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, if you remove the so called need for the death or serious injury you would find that many people who have been through an affair in their marriage suffer most of the symptoms.

I have highlighted the ones that apply to me.  But this is not news to me that PTSD is something I might suffer from.  I had a counselor point it out to me before researching more about it. One thing that I hope others get from this post is that AN AFFAIR, whether sexual or emotional, or whether it lasted 1 month or 5 years, CAUSES TRAUMA.  It is real.  And I feel the pain as if it were yesterday, even though I am going on a year since finding out.  I feel broken and not sure that I'll ever be fully put back together again. I am sorry for anyone who has gone through an affair and I hope you know you are not alone and that maybe it will help you to know that if you are suffering any of the symptoms below, that it is a real disorder and not that you are going crazy. ;)

A. The person has been exposed to a traumatic event in which both of the following were present:
(1) the person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others.
(2) the person’s response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror.

B. The traumatic event is persistently reexperienced in one (or more) of the following ways:
(1) recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or perceptions.
(2) recurrent distressing dreams of the event. .(occasional for me)
(3) acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashback episodes, including those that occur on awakening or when intoxicated).
(4) intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.
(5) physiological reactivity on exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.

C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness (not present before the trauma), as indicated by three (or more) of the following:
(1) efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma
(2) efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that arouse recollections of the trauma
(3) inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma
(4) markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities
(5) feeling of detachment or estrangement from others
(6) restricted range of affect (e.g., unable to have loving feelings)
(7) sense of a foreshortened future (e.g., does not expect to have a career, marriage, children, or a normal life span)

D. Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma), as indicated by two (or more) of the following:
(1) difficulty falling or staying asleep
(2) irritability or outbursts of anger
(3) difficulty concentrating
(4) hypervigilance
(5) exaggerated startle response

E. Duration of the disturbance (symptoms in Criteria B, C, and D) is more than 1 month.

F. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
Specify if:
Acute: if duration of symptoms is less than 3 months
Chronic: if duration of symptoms is 3 months or more

Specify if:
With Delayed Onset: if onset of symptoms is at least 6 months after the stressor.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Turn to Stone

I felt the need to write today. 
Even though I'm sitting here not sure what I want to write about. 
My last post was quite depressing
which makes sense because I felt quite depressed.

Last week was a hard one also
But I'm feeling better right now
and ok with the decisions I've made
Confident that I can be ok on my own

I'm not feeling terribly inspirational, as I've mentioned before,
but I am listening to this song right now as I write and I like it
Did I mention before that I love music?
I'm sure you can interpret this song in any number of ways
and I'm not going to really attempt to do anything like that here

Nothing  has changed for me in regards to being able to find complete peace until they move, but I'm trying not to think about that right now.
I'm trying to focus on my home responsibilities
I'm trying to focus on the rest of summer before it's over
I'm trying to focus on my marriage
I'm trying to focus on the things I have left that make me feel happy
Here are the lyrics if you are interested:
let's take a better look
beyond a story book
and learn our souls are all we own
before we turn to stone

let's go to sleep with clearer heads
and hearts too big to fit our beds
and maybe we won't feel so alone
before we turn to stone

and if you wait for someone else's hand
you will surely fall down
if you wait for someone else's hand
you'll fall, you'll fall

i know that i am nothing new
theres so much more than me and you
but brother how we must atone
before we turn to stone

Tuesday, July 16, 2013


I know I've been absent from the blog for a while.  Some of the time I've been busy and the rest of the time I've been depressed.  I'm supposed to be able to also write about my depressive days, but it seems no one wants to read a blog post that doesn't have something inspiring to get from it.  And honestly, I don't feel very inspiring lately.  I feel like a wilted flower.
 It's been 11 months since I found out about the affair.  And so that means that the affair was going on at this time a year ago.  Every time I look at a calendar, I am reminded.  So this is a pretty crappy time for me, and that's just the truth.  I don't have any inspiring words for you right now.  Maybe I'll have some when I get out of this funk. 
I know I keep saying this, but they need to move. 
I had someone make a comment on another post about how I shouldn't obsess about them moving because won't their house still be there and still trigger me?
To answer that:
Yes, of course everything will still trigger for a while
you don't understand the difference I would feel in knowing they are far away from me.
I don't even feel peace in my own home...
For example,
Just yesterday, I heard a knock on the door.
I was not feeling well, and in bed, and all my kids were gone, so I didn't answer
But I was curious who it was
So I peeked out the bedroom window
And it was 2 of the other woman's kids
She knows I can't handle that
And that our kids aren't playing
So what the heck?????
That brought me down pretty low
angry again that I have to feel this way
because of what they did
that it's not fair that I should have to live this way.
And sad that there used to be a time where we had a good friendship with this family
it just sucks so bad.
I should be able to drive into my neighborhood and feel comfort and peace
I should be able to relax in my home and feel safe.
But I don't.