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Thursday, June 26, 2014

Starting A New Chapter

A lot as happened since I've blogged last. 
 To make a really long story shorter, I will just tell you that a string of events occurred that threw me into a whirlwind of panic. 
My son would be getting involved in a church activity that would put me in a room with the other woman and her family in an intimate/party like setting ONCE A MONTH for at least the next 3 years. 

To remind you, I had started to try to accept the fact that neither us nor them were able to move and I would just continue to do everything I could to avoid seeing her.  And it worked for a while.  I was never completely happy because I was keeping myself from things that made me who I am, but I thought it was worth the sacrifice if it could help me keep it together for my family, especially my kids.  So, I went on with my life, until the above mentioned occurred. 

I decided that I just CAN NOT DO THIS ANYMORE. 
 I told my husband we MUST find a way to get out of here or I might just not make it. 
What that meant, I can't be sure, except that I knew I felt like running away from my life...I was suffocating and I needed to get out. 

Right away he started looking into our options and surprisingly, we had many more options than we did last year and it actually looked like a possibility for us to move. Sooooo, drumroll please.....
The day has come
 almost two years later, but at least it has come. 
I am getting out of here!! 
As happy as I am, it is a very hard thing to do. 
I LOVE this house. 
 I LOVE the friends my kids have made. 
I LOVE the schools. 
I LOVE the area, the neighborhood and we have put SO much into this home. 
If I let myself start to think about it to much I am so sad. 
But it has to be done. 

I often see this quote going around:

And someone might tell me..."So, just STOP re-reading the last chapter so you can move on!!!" 
 And I say to them :  "How do you stop reading the last chapter when the pages are sealed open and staring you in the face!!!! " 
I can't even turn the freaking page when they live right behind us and I see HER at every turn. 
There are so many that will not understand this. 
Will not understand why I can't just get over it and move on. 
I'm sorry that you don't understand. 
 Honestly, I hope that you never do.