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Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Kill Me Now

I'm sorry, but I must vent on this post today. What happened today is mind blowing.
 To help you understand this, let me start by saying that I have been married almost 13 years.  I have a best friend who was there with me through it all and I have waited for her to find the same happiness! It took 13 years, but she did it!!! She got married today!!! We finished all the pictures at the Salt Lake Temple and I said goodbye to her and was SO happy on such a perfect day and I was walking away with a smile on my face. 
As I walked past the temple, and looked over at the temple stairs, there SHE was . 
The other woman!!
The woman who has been a thorn in my side ever since the affair
 It looked like her brother had just gotten married and they were doing pictures!!!!!!
What the #^%#???? 
Mind you, this is 45 minutes from home
And I RARELY see anyone I know from my neighborhood when I'm out
Of all days for me to run into her. 
Kill. Me. Now. 
The moment I saw her, it was like a scene from a movie:
 All of a sudden all movement went into slow motion
The smile disappeared from my face
And the world around me came crashing down
Needless to say I basically ran by and found a corner and had a panic attack. 
Took a little while to calm myself down
Some of you might be wondering...
"why is she having a panic attack when she runs into her over a year after the affair happened?"
Well, first of all, you might have forgotten that it has been a little hard to move on,
I'm not sure I know how to make you understand how hard this is.
I would never wish this on another person.
Second of all, refer to my post about Post Traumatic Stress
I have this
And it's REALLY hard when I am reminded of anything to do with the affair
And seeing her is the worst for me.

On a positive note,
apparently we found out later that they saw us INSIDE the temple,
as they were going IN to a wedding ceremony
and we were coming OUT
THANK THE HEAVENS that I did not see them at that time
But still....I have NEVER ran into ANYONE from my ward while downtown
much less IN the temple!!
Of all people to run into
I just don't understand

I don't understand why I have to continue to go through this
Why the torment is never ending. 


Anonymous said...

She should be the one running; you did NOTHING wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. She does. But I can sympathize with what you're going through.

Elizabeth T said...

Thanks Bri. It's funny how you are right, that SHE should be the one running. But unfortunately, she hasn't done any running since it happened. So it's pretty hard. :(

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine living in the same neighborhood and being in the same ward!!! Is it possible for you to move?