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Thursday, May 23, 2013

It takes two to tango

I've been absent for a while.  Between a bout of depression, sick kids,  kids being off track from school, and good weather forcing me to be outside doing yardwork, I guess I just haven't felt much like writing. 

But I was inspired today to talk about something I've learned about marriage. 
The sad part is that no matter how hard you are trying to keep your marriage together,  if the other person doesn't want to work, there is nothing you can do about it.  And you get to a point where you need to let it go to be happy again. 
If you want your marriage to be a success, then it takes BOTH of you.  It can't be 1 person giving the other their way the entire marriage.  While this may maintain peace in the home, it is not healthy for the person who is doing all the giving in.   That is a disaster waiting to happen.
But what IS the definition of a successful marriage?
Opinions might vary on this, but in my opinion it consists of:
 BOTH people feel loved, cared for and respected by each other.
 BOTH people are willing to do anything in their power to make each other happy. 
BOTH people are willing to admit their inadequacies and work on them.
BOTH people feel able to tell their partner anything and they will feel accepted and not judged.
I could probably come up with more, but this is what came to mind at the moment
I am curious what some of you might add to this list. Please, feel free to share.
When my husband and I went to our first counseling session, we each got the following sheet of paper and our counselor asked us to mark our TOP FOUR.  The four that we felt were most important to feeling a connection with our spouse.  What was SO interesting was that we both did not mark one that was the same.  It helped us to realize which items were most important to each other and to focus on those the most.  Because while you may be stellar at providing 8 of those for your spouse, if you are missing the 4 that are most important to THEM, then your connection is not going to be as strong.  But if you can both recognize the things that help your spouse feel connected to you and help to provide those things for them, then I believe your marriage will be a success.   
Go ahead and right click and save this to your desktop and you can print it out and give it a try
To make this most effective, you each need to mark your top four, but then you need to share them with each other and even discuss what those four mean to you.  It takes two to tango.  Hopefully you are both willing to dance together. ;)

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