We can still do things

 

I finally watched this movie.

Thanks to those that recommended it!

I liked it!

At the end of the movie, this was said:

I like this because I relate to it.

I didn't choose to be in the situation I'm in.

Sure, I could have done some things better,

but I didn't choose for my husband to have an affair.

And I didn't choose for that person to be someone I go to church with.

But it is what it is.

I can choose where I go from here.

It might not be what other people think I should choose

Or it might not even be the best choice for myself

But it is me that does the choosing.

 

And I CAN still do things.

For a while there I felt like my life was over

That I wanted to crawl in a hole and die

And I didn't want to DO anything!

Only just to feel sorry for myself and where my life has ended up.

I still have days like that

BUT

I can still DO things

And I can try to feel okay about them.

 

I can work on my yard and garden so that I can sit out there and enjoy spring and summer before it is gone again!

I can organize my house and get things done that I've always wanted to

I can plan fun things to do with my kids

I can spend more time with family

I can have my hobbies and enjoy them

I can make goals for the future

 

But while I CAN do things, there is plenty that I just CAN'T do

I can't go to the parks I know they met at

I can't get back on facebook

I can't involve myself in activities where she might be also

I can't be happy in this ward until she is gone

 

Yes, there are plenty of can'ts

But there IS comfort in knowing that I can still do things

And I can try really hard to feel okay about them.

So that I can feel some happiness again.

Don't Be In A Hurry

Since finding out about the affair 9 months ago, my life has really slowed down a TON.

That is probably because I dropped everything I was doing.

 I dropped facebook, I dropped friend activities, book club, etc.

And you know what??

I've liked it.

I look at some of my friends that are ALWAYS on the go and it exhausts me. (not that there is anything wrong with that and maybe they just LOVE their life that way and that is fine)

But I used to be that kind of person and I wonder why?

What for?

Why did I need to participate in EVERYTHING that was going on?

I mean, I think certain things are important...mainly where service comes in like watching other people's kids or making someone dinner, etc.

But anyone out there who feels like they can't have a gap in their schedule :

I challenge you to just take ONE WEEK and not schedule anything.

 Spend more quiet time with your kids and with your husband and with yourself.

 Don't get on facebook.

Don't be in a hurry to cross everything off of your to-do list.

Like the song says : Let the world go on without you (because it will).  Enjoy the beautiful weather that we are having and breathe it in. 

It might help to imagine you live on the prairie like Laura Ingles. haha

 

You know my old car needs washing

And the front yard needs a trim

And the telephone keeps ringing

And the bossman knows I know it's him

And the bills ain't gonna pay themselves

Don't matter anyway

'Cause I ain't in no hurry today

Nothing wrong when I know

Cane fishing pole and smell of early spring

Sit down in a fold up easy chair

On a quiet, shady river bank

Let the world go on without me

Wouldn't have it any other wa

y'Cause I ain't in no hurry today

Ain't in no hurry, 

I'd be a fool now to worry

About all those things I can't change

And the time that I borrow can wait till tomorrow

'Cause I ain't in no hurry today

When I must return to the cold, cold ground

Have 'em take their time when they lay their sinner down

Heaven knows that I ain't perfect, ways of little Caine

And I plan to raise a whole lot more before I hear those angels sing

Gonna get by with the Lord

But there'll be hell to pay

But I ain't in no hurry

Ain't in no hurry,

 I'd be a fool now to worry

About all those things I can't change

And the time that I borrow can wait till tomorrow

'Cause I ain't in no hurry, ain't in no hurry, ain't in no hurry today

It takes two to tango

I've been absent for a while.  Between a bout of depression, sick kids,  kids being off track from school, and good weather forcing me to be outside doing yardwork, I guess I just haven't felt much like writing. 

But I was inspired today to talk about something I've learned about marriage. 

 

The sad part is that no matter how hard you are trying to keep your marriage together,  if the other person doesn't want to work, there is nothing you can do about it.  And you get to a point where you need to let it go to be happy again. 

 

If you want your marriage to be a success, then it takes BOTH of you.  It can't be 1 person giving the other their way the entire marriage.  While this may maintain peace in the home, it is not healthy for the person who is doing all the giving in.   That is a disaster waiting to happen.

 

But what IS the definition of a successful marriage?

Opinions might vary on this, but in my opinion it consists of:

 

 BOTH people feel loved, cared for and respected by each other.

 BOTH people are willing to do anything in their power to make each other happy. 

BOTH people are willing to admit their inadequacies and work on them.

BOTH people feel able to tell their partner anything and they will feel accepted and not judged.

 

I could probably come up with more, but this is what came to mind at the moment

I am curious what some of you might add to this list. Please, feel free to share.

 

When my husband and I went to our first counseling session, we each got the following sheet of paper and our counselor asked us to mark our TOP FOUR.  The four that we felt were most important to feeling a connection with our spouse.  What was SO interesting was that we both did not mark one that was the same.  It helped us to realize which items were most important to each other and to focus on those the most.  Because while you may be stellar at providing 8 of those for your spouse, if you are missing the 4 that are most important to THEM, then your connection is not going to be as strong.  But if you can both recognize the things that help your spouse feel connected to you and help to provide those things for them, then I believe your marriage will be a success.   

 

Go ahead and right click and save this to your desktop and you can print it out and give it a try

 

 

To make this most effective, you each need to mark your top four, but then you need to share them with each other and even discuss what those four mean to you.  It takes two to tango.  Hopefully you are both willing to dance together. ;)

Why I Fight For My Marriage

 

It's a question no one wants to think about.

What would YOU do if your husband cheated on you?

As women, I think we'd want to be strong

and kick him to the curb!

Is that being strong?

I suppose in some situations it could be

But in mine, it would have been the easy way out.

 

I'd like to think I'm being strong

by STAYING and FIGHTING for my marriage.

 

For me, I knew the man that cheated on me was not the same man I married

But I BELIEVED he was still in there somewhere

 I chose to give him a second chance

And the time it took to come back to me

I chose to fight for the love I knew we had always had

and to HOPE that we could find it again.

 

It was NOT easy

It was one of the hardest things I've ever done

But I'm so grateful I did.

Because even though a terrible mistake happened,

I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else.

 

I got the above quote from the TV series "Brothers & Sisters"

You can see the full quote below

When I heard it, it really struck a chord with me.

That I wasn't only fighting for ME, or for HIM

But I was fighting for US

I was fighting for our FAMILY

 

So why do I fight for my marriage?

Because it is worth fighting for.

 

 

You Make It Real

The next few posts will revolve a little bit around the TV series "Brothers & Sisters".  It's the latest series that I've finished on Netflix and I LOVE when I find some treasures from watching television.  It makes me feel a little better about watching when I can get something from it. ;)

Anyway, at the end of Season 5, Episode 1, a song started to play and I HAD to find out what it was.  So I wanted to share.  James Morrison's "You Make It Real" There's so much craziness surrounding me,
There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe
When all my faith has gone, you bring it back to me,
You make it real for me

When I'm not sure of my priorities,
When I've lost sight of where I'm meant to be
And like holy water washing over me,
You make it real for me

And I am running to you baby,
You are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me

When my head is strong, but my heart is weak,
I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty
When I can't find the words, you teach my heart to speak,
You make it real for me

And I am running to you baby,
You are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me

Everybody's talking in words I don't understand,
You've got to be the only one who knows just who I am
And you're shining in the distance,
I hope I can make it through
'Cause the only place that I want to be is right back home with you

I guess there's so much more I have to learn,
But if you're here with me, I know which way to turn
You always give me somewhere, somewhere I can run,
You make it real for me

And I am running to you baby,
'Cause you are the only one who saves me
That's why I've been missing you lately,
'Cause you make it real for me
You make it real for me

Sweet Chili & Cornbread

Just two days ago it was warm enough to wear shorts

Today it is snowing!

I've got my hot chocolate and electric heated blanket while I blog

It might be a good day to have my favorite sweet chili and warm cornbread for dinner

and I think I'll share these recipes with you

Sweet Chili

1-1.5 lbs ground turkey or ground beef
3/4 of an onion, chopped
2 cans pinto beans
2 cans black beans
1 can tomato paste
2 cans tomato soup (tomato sauce works if you add extra seasonings)
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp chili powder

Cook the meat and chopped onion in a skillet until the meat is cooked all the way through.  While that cooks, you can put the rest of the ingredients in a large pot.  If you like your beans drained and rinsed, then you will need to add 1-2 cups of water to the chili.  When the meat is finished, you can add it to the pot.  Bring to a boil and then turn the heat to low.  Let it simmer for at least 30 minutes before serving.  You are welcome  to add more chili powder for a little more spice with your sweet.

Homemade Cornbread

1 1/4 cups flour
3/4 cup cornmeal
2 tsp baking powder
1/3 cup sugar
3/4 tsp salt
1 1/4 cups milk
1/4 cup shortening or butter, melted
1 egg

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees and grease an 8X8 inch baking dish.  Combine all the dry ingredients in a medium bowl.  Add the milk and egg and shortening.  (butter works as well, but the shortening makes the cornbread a little more moist)  Mix well, but no need to over do it.  Pour the batter in the pan and bake for 25-30 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.  Serve warm with butter!