Who can I trust?

One of the hardest and most traumatizing parts of the affair is that the Other Woman was one of my good friends from the ward and neighborhood.  I TRUSTED HER.  I was only there to help her and be her friend and this is how she repaid me. I mean, I don't expect things in return for being someone's friend, but I do expect you to not betray me!!  Is that too hard to ask????? 

I want to share the events that happened the week that I found out.  It was a Sunday when I really KNEW something was off with my husband and I decided I might have to follow him the next time he goes out.  It was Monday when SHE told her husband everything.  It was Tuesday that I got an email from her canceling a big event that they were going to hold at their house in a couple weeks.  When I got that email, I knew something BIG had to have happened for her to cancel her event.  I started talking to my husband about how I think HER husband might have had an affair or something and that I was going to try to make her a treat and go over and see if she needs to talk.  I talked about this with my husband for days before he finally told me the truth about what had happened.   

I was going to take her freaking COOKIES!!!!!  And all the while she was sneaking around with my husband behind my back.  So where does that leave me?  Well, it certainly makes me question who I can trust.  I have several friends in the same ward and neighborhood and I've known them all for the same amount of time that I knew HER.  So this whole ordeal has put all of those relationships into question and made me think that I don't want to be friends with ANYONE in this damn neighborhood!!! No one is REALLY my friend, right???? 

I came across this quote:

And it's true.  I DO have some real friends.  Friends that I've had for many many years and I can know for certain that there is not one of them that would ever do something like this to me.  And so I should appreciate and nurture THOSE friendships and not think that I need to be friends with everyone in the neighborhood.

So my advice to all of you out there?  Have your handful of REAL friends and focus on those relationships.   You can wave and smile and make small talk with others, but never feel pressured into inviting them into your personal circle.  It's not worth it.

 

Boundaries

Look, we are all going to make mistakes.  And some of them will happen whether we are careful or not, but I feel like it doesn't hurt to have boundaries. 

bound·a·ry

/ˈbaʊndəri, -dri/ Show Spell[boun-duh-ree, -dree]  

noun, plural bound·a·ries.

1. something that indicates bounds or limits; a limiting or bounding line.

 

 

We set them with our kids.  Don't walk alone after dark, don't communicate online with people you don't know, or don't talk to strangers.  WHY do we set boundaries for them?  Because we want to keep them SAFE!!!!  

 

So shouldn't we treat our marriage the same way?  Shouldn't we safeguard it against the things that might sneak up on us and threaten the bond we have as husband and wife?  

 

Now that I've witnessed how incredibly HARMFUL a seemingly unharmful text can be, one new boundary is that I communicate with the women and my husband can communicate with the men.  I've had girlfriends text us both at the same time and ask a question.  So in those situations I will answer for the both of us and vice versa. Why even put the opposite sex in your phone?? Just don't give yourself that opening.  And don't think you are above it all and that you would NEVER begin an emotional affair.  A very high percentage of people involved in emotional affairs will say that they never MEANT for it to happen.  It started casually and they got carried away.  So WHY EVEN PUT YOURSELF IN THAT POSITION TO BEGIN WITH???? 

 

It's my belief  that

MEN AND WOMAN CAN NOT BE FRIENDS

 

I know there are probably a lot of people out there that will disagree with this and that's fine, but I speak from experience. 

 

I think we can be friends as couples.  But in no way, shape or form should my husband be communicating on his own with any of the women we are friends with.  I don't care how casual the subject matter.  There is NO reason for it.  And no exceptions. That's all.