April 2014 Conference - "Gratitude" by Dieter F Uchtdorf

 There are always SO many good reminders during General Conference, but there was one talk in particular that stood out to me.  It was by President Uchtdorf during the Sunday morning session and he talked about being grateful.  Something we all know about, but he suggested taking a different view on it.  He said:

 

"We CAN be Grateful.  It might sound contrary to the wisdom of the world that one who is burdened with sorrow, should give thanks to God, but those who set aside the bottle of bitterness and lift instead the goblet of gratitude can find a purifying drink of healing, peace and understanding .

Focusing on what we are grateful FOR is the wrong approach.   It is difficult to develop a spirit of gratitude if our thankfulness is only proportional to the number of blessings we can count. True, it is important to frequently Count Our Blessings and anyone who has tried this, knows that there are MANY.  But I don't believe that the Lord expects us to be less thankful in times of trial than in times of abundance and ease. 

We need to seek gratitude as a disposition, a way of life that stands independent of our current situation.  Instead of being thankful FOR things, be thankful IN our current situation, whatever that may be.

The choice is ours.

We can choose to limit our gratitude based on the blessings we feel we lack.... or we can choose to be grateful No. Matter. What.  This type of gratefulness transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement and despair.  It blooms just as beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the blessed warmth of summer."

"We sometimes think that being grateful is something we do AFTER our problems are solved.  But how terribly shortsided that is.  How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain.

Being grateful in times of distress does NOT mean we are pleased with our circumstances.

It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present day challenges.  This is not a gratitude of the lips, but of the soul.  It heals the heart and expands the mind.  Being grateful IN our circumstances is an act of faith in God. 

Gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony.  It comes from acknowledgeing that we do not always understand the trials of life, but trusting that one day we will."

 

I actually didn't mean to quote so much, but he just says it so well! ;)

 

I'm not the best at being grateful in times of trial, but I think I've come to attempt it in my own way.  I'm stuck in a pretty crappy situation...not being able to fully move on while 'the other woman' is still living behind me and in my ward.  It's hard to go to church when I'm reminded of all the pain and hurt that I've suffered. 

There are many days I wish I could just curl up in a ball in my room and never leave. 

But instead of doing that, I try to find happiness in other places. 

 I try to plan things with my family that we can have fun with, whether we are exploring new places, playing games, visiting family, etc

I try to find happiness in my work, in the things I need to get done around the house, in taking care of my family or serving others. 

My hope is that this will carry me through until circumstances change.

Right now, it's the best that I can do.

"About Time" & Enjoying The Ride

I watched this movie with my husband the other night.  My rating is 4 out of 5 stars.  It's not my most favorite movie ever and I would be willing to watch it again, but not jumping out of my seat to do so.  BUT I gave it such a high rating because of the message.  It made me tear up in the end and I loved some of the quotes in the end. 

I don't want to give too much away, for those that still need to see it, but if you are worried about the R rating, it's one of those movies that is only rated that high because of a few F words, one glimpse of a naked poster...and maybe too many sexual situations? But they don't show any nudity in these scenes.   Anyway, it's a story of a young man who finds out he has a passed down ability to travel back in time.   Yes, Rachel McAdams is in ANOTHER time traveling movie. Strange!

Anyway, his dad tells him of this new ability and at some point in the movie says tells him what HIS dad told him:

"He told me his secret formula for happiness. Part one of the two part plan was that I should just get on with ordinary life, living it day by day, like anyone else.  But then came part two of Dad's plan. He told me to live every day AGAIN almost exactly the same. The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time NOTICING."

 

And when I heard this, I thought oooh, that's such a good idea! Well, a great idea if you can time travel anyway. ;) And I loved that they were using their ability in a good way...still a little bit selfish, but at least they were doing it to try to make a difference in their lives.

And if you HATE movies to be spoiled, don't worry, I'm not going to explain the entire ending or whatever, but I just HAVE to share the last quotes.  So if you are very picky...DO NOT READ AHEAD. 

But at the end of the movie, the son, seen below, said the following:

"In the end I think I've learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I've even gone one step further than my father did: The truth is, I now don't travel back at all, not even for the day, I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life."

 

 And then he goes on to say:

"We're all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride."

And with that last sentence, I thought to myself...how wonderful that they ended with this message! It's a beautiful reminder.  I need to print it out and keep it all around the house! 

 

Anyway, if you haven't seen it...I recommend giving it a chance.  It can feel a tad bit slow...but the actors did a great job and I enjoyed it.

 

10 ways to have the Best Date Night

 

The purpose of Date Night is the time to RECONNECT and REDISCOVER each other and leave the demands of the daily schedule behind. 

 

You've probably heard this from me before, but it is impossible stay connected throughout an entire marriage without working for it.  A marriage consists of the cycle of connecting, disconnecting, and reconnecting again.  The disconnection is inevitable.  In fact, the trouble in a marriage (i.e. an affair) doesn't stem from the DISCONNECTION, but when we don't make the effort to RECONNECT when needed! 

 

People often misunderstand that in order to have a good date night, it must be well planned, elaborate or expensive.  While all of these things can contribute to amazing date nights, they are not necessary to having some of the best dates of your life.  You will find that the best date nights don't rely on what you DO on them, as much as what you FEEL from them.  We need to feel CONNECTED to each other.  And when we feel connected we feel happier and more secure in our relationship.  Here are 10 ways you can be sure to connect on date night:

 

1.  Touching.  Let me start by saying that it is not a true date night without touching each other.  Hold hands, touch their back, give their leg a squeeze, lean in for a kiss, the possibilities are endless.

2.  Meaningful Conversation.  Put your phones away and focus on each other!  In a world where texting is becoming the dominant way to communicate, chances for a one on one conversation are more important than ever! If you need help, you can always google conversations starters, like my 50 random questions found HERE.
3. Take turns doing what the other person loves to do.  You may not love going to a sporting event or you might despise the idea of taking a cooking class together, but if you know your spouse would thoroughly enjoy this, then let yourself find out why!!  Not only might you learn something new from your spouse, but they will feel more connected to you, knowing you care about the things they love.
4.  Planning.  I don't mean spending hours working up the perfect date.  But just enough thought into it to make sure you are not falling back on what is easiest and most convenient. It might even be fun taking turns deciding what you're going to do for date night.
5. Touch each other! PS: there are no rules on PDA when you are married. Who cares if it bothers other people, you are trying to connect with your lover!
6. Try new things.  Get out of your comfort zone.  We know you love the rolls at Texas Roadhouse, or that you crave the Tomato Basil Soup at Zupas.  But it's not going to hurt you to go somewhere NEW.  New foods and places not only stimulate new taste buds, but new growth! It may not be a wonderful experience every time, but it will at least give you something to talk about!
7.  Simplify.  No need to be elaborate.  Go out to eat and then stop at a park and play cards on a blanket. Or take the game home in front of the fire with drinks on a chilly evening.  The phrase "go big or go home" does not apply to date night.
8. Did I mention touching? Heck, find a place to park and do it in the back seat.  You'd be surprised what this will do for your connection. ;)
9.  Wake Up!  Yes, we all start to feel older as the years go by. And yes, we might like to be in bed by 9:30pm, but shake it off!  Stop thinking about how tired you are and let yourself feel alive again and have fun! 
10.  Feel the love.  Take a moment to look at your wife or husband and remember what you love about them.  Just a second to REALLY look at them and ENJOY being there with them.  It's easy to become SO comfortable in our relationship that we stop thinking about how truly blessed we are to be with the person we love.  Be thankful and feel free to mention it. Or even better, show them through touch. ;)

On a positive note

Again, I'm sorry for being so depressing this last while!

And again, no one is probably listening, but I still feel the need to apologize.

 

Now that I got all that out, I felt the need to let you know that we have come a long way in the last year, my husband and I.

 

One year later I feel like he loves me 100%.

One year later I feel like I love him 100%.

One year later I am finding things that make me happy and trying to focus on them.

One year later I am feeling like my husband and I are better friends than we ever have been our entire marriage.
One year later I feel like we have a deep, emotional connection that we've never had before

One year later I feel like I can turn to my husband for comfort and know he will be there for me.

One year later I feel like I am important, that I am needed, that I am loved

One year later I feel like we actually made it through the hell that we went through
One year later I can say that I'm thankful that we have made it through this.

One year later I can say that I will be loved by this man for the rest of eternity.

 

So things may not be all the way better

But there are plenty of things to be thankful for

I was trying to think what kind of picture I would add to this post

and I thought of a sunrise.

As I searched for one I liked

I remembered one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies of all time

Pride and Prejudice

I wanted to share it with you.

I particulary love the music in the first minute or so

while her love is walking towards her

and I love that throughout the scene the sun is rising.

I'm sorry I'm such a nerd, but here is the scene

Thanks for listening  

We can still do things

 

I finally watched this movie.

Thanks to those that recommended it!

I liked it!

At the end of the movie, this was said:

I like this because I relate to it.

I didn't choose to be in the situation I'm in.

Sure, I could have done some things better,

but I didn't choose for my husband to have an affair.

And I didn't choose for that person to be someone I go to church with.

But it is what it is.

I can choose where I go from here.

It might not be what other people think I should choose

Or it might not even be the best choice for myself

But it is me that does the choosing.

 

And I CAN still do things.

For a while there I felt like my life was over

That I wanted to crawl in a hole and die

And I didn't want to DO anything!

Only just to feel sorry for myself and where my life has ended up.

I still have days like that

BUT

I can still DO things

And I can try to feel okay about them.

 

I can work on my yard and garden so that I can sit out there and enjoy spring and summer before it is gone again!

I can organize my house and get things done that I've always wanted to

I can plan fun things to do with my kids

I can spend more time with family

I can have my hobbies and enjoy them

I can make goals for the future

 

But while I CAN do things, there is plenty that I just CAN'T do

I can't go to the parks I know they met at

I can't get back on facebook

I can't involve myself in activities where she might be also

I can't be happy in this ward until she is gone

 

Yes, there are plenty of can'ts

But there IS comfort in knowing that I can still do things

And I can try really hard to feel okay about them.

So that I can feel some happiness again.

Don't Be In A Hurry

Since finding out about the affair 9 months ago, my life has really slowed down a TON.

That is probably because I dropped everything I was doing.

 I dropped facebook, I dropped friend activities, book club, etc.

And you know what??

I've liked it.

I look at some of my friends that are ALWAYS on the go and it exhausts me. (not that there is anything wrong with that and maybe they just LOVE their life that way and that is fine)

But I used to be that kind of person and I wonder why?

What for?

Why did I need to participate in EVERYTHING that was going on?

I mean, I think certain things are important...mainly where service comes in like watching other people's kids or making someone dinner, etc.

But anyone out there who feels like they can't have a gap in their schedule :

I challenge you to just take ONE WEEK and not schedule anything.

 Spend more quiet time with your kids and with your husband and with yourself.

 Don't get on facebook.

Don't be in a hurry to cross everything off of your to-do list.

Like the song says : Let the world go on without you (because it will).  Enjoy the beautiful weather that we are having and breathe it in. 

It might help to imagine you live on the prairie like Laura Ingles. haha

 

You know my old car needs washing

And the front yard needs a trim

And the telephone keeps ringing

And the bossman knows I know it's him

And the bills ain't gonna pay themselves

Don't matter anyway

'Cause I ain't in no hurry today

Nothing wrong when I know

Cane fishing pole and smell of early spring

Sit down in a fold up easy chair

On a quiet, shady river bank

Let the world go on without me

Wouldn't have it any other wa

y'Cause I ain't in no hurry today

Ain't in no hurry, 

I'd be a fool now to worry

About all those things I can't change

And the time that I borrow can wait till tomorrow

'Cause I ain't in no hurry today

When I must return to the cold, cold ground

Have 'em take their time when they lay their sinner down

Heaven knows that I ain't perfect, ways of little Caine

And I plan to raise a whole lot more before I hear those angels sing

Gonna get by with the Lord

But there'll be hell to pay

But I ain't in no hurry

Ain't in no hurry,

 I'd be a fool now to worry

About all those things I can't change

And the time that I borrow can wait till tomorrow

'Cause I ain't in no hurry, ain't in no hurry, ain't in no hurry today

Adventure out into the world

 

There was a point after the affair was revealed that both my husband and I were kind of in a FUNK.  It was probably a little bit of depression.  We would talk about how we are not feeling much from life right now.  We started feeling really BLAH just thinking about how we wake up, go through our day (work, school, housework) and then have dinner and ultimately end up going to bed and then starting again the next day.  We talked about what could help us find more PURPOSE and HAPPINESS. 

 

We decided that ONE thing (out of several we discussed) that helps is to have adventures to look forward to!  Maybe we can't have an adventure every day, but we can start making plans.  What are the things you've always wanted to do?  We love to EXPLORE new places and now that our kids are a little older, we want to explore with them as well.  We took a vacation to St. George, Utah and yes, we have been there before, but we sought out things we haven't done yet while visiting there. 

 

It's amazing what can happen when you think about HOPES, DREAMS or ASPIRATIONS for your life.  My problem is usually remembering what they are sometimes or forgetting to work towards them.  So one tip for you : WRITE THEM DOWN!  It can be simple as keeping a list in your phone.  Your phone is something you take with you everywhere...so any time an idea pops in your head, you can whip it out and add it to the list!  Start making a list NOW!

 

Anyway, while on vacation, we wanted to hike, but wanted something closer to town than Snow Canyon.  We found the Dixie Overlook Trail off of Red Hills Parkway at about 400 N and 200 E near Pioneer Park.  They had picnic tables and a pavilion.  There were several different trails all around, so you could choose the difficulty.  The kids mainly had fun exploring and the VIEWS were incredible.  It's nice to look out on the world and remember how wonderful and beautiful life really is.