"About Time" & Enjoying The Ride

I watched this movie with my husband the other night.  My rating is 4 out of 5 stars.  It's not my most favorite movie ever and I would be willing to watch it again, but not jumping out of my seat to do so.  BUT I gave it such a high rating because of the message.  It made me tear up in the end and I loved some of the quotes in the end. 

I don't want to give too much away, for those that still need to see it, but if you are worried about the R rating, it's one of those movies that is only rated that high because of a few F words, one glimpse of a naked poster...and maybe too many sexual situations? But they don't show any nudity in these scenes.   Anyway, it's a story of a young man who finds out he has a passed down ability to travel back in time.   Yes, Rachel McAdams is in ANOTHER time traveling movie. Strange!

Anyway, his dad tells him of this new ability and at some point in the movie says tells him what HIS dad told him:

"He told me his secret formula for happiness. Part one of the two part plan was that I should just get on with ordinary life, living it day by day, like anyone else.  But then came part two of Dad's plan. He told me to live every day AGAIN almost exactly the same. The first time with all the tensions and worries that stop us noticing how sweet the world can be, but the second time NOTICING."

 

And when I heard this, I thought oooh, that's such a good idea! Well, a great idea if you can time travel anyway. ;) And I loved that they were using their ability in a good way...still a little bit selfish, but at least they were doing it to try to make a difference in their lives.

And if you HATE movies to be spoiled, don't worry, I'm not going to explain the entire ending or whatever, but I just HAVE to share the last quotes.  So if you are very picky...DO NOT READ AHEAD. 

But at the end of the movie, the son, seen below, said the following:

"In the end I think I've learned the final lesson from my travels in time; and I've even gone one step further than my father did: The truth is, I now don't travel back at all, not even for the day, I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life."

 

 And then he goes on to say:

"We're all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride."

And with that last sentence, I thought to myself...how wonderful that they ended with this message! It's a beautiful reminder.  I need to print it out and keep it all around the house! 

 

Anyway, if you haven't seen it...I recommend giving it a chance.  It can feel a tad bit slow...but the actors did a great job and I enjoyed it.

 

5 Steps To Overcoming Your Mistakes

{There's this REALLY interesting youtube channel called VSauce. Almost everything he has to say is pretty fascinating.  And he says it in such an interesting way! Go check it out }

A video from VSauce inspired this post.

His video called MISTAKES

 

"(Mistakes) are as much a part of us today

As the stuff we've gotten right"

 

 

I like the metaphor he gives at 6:23

Here is what he says:

"How do you deal with regret?
Guilt? 

Can you?

Stuff in your past is like a carving on the bark of a sapling

Over time the scar, the carving, won't go away

Because of the way trees grow, it won't go up and down much either

It'll just stay right where it began.

It might even get darker,

but it won't get bigger.

YOU, however

CAN!

You can keep growing

Doing more things, more branches

BE more things!

The wound won't get smaller,

but you can make IT a smaller part of who you are."

Of course, this is easier said than done.

Here are 6 steps to follow
when trying to overcome your mistakes

1. FEEL SOMETHING : Whether it's guilt or regret or shame, it's a good sign..  It means that you recognize that you made a mistake and you feel bad about it. You can't learn from your mistakes if you don't even feel like you made one!  And don't be ashamed of your SHAME.  Don't lie to avoid confronting your shame and guilt.  The people who truly love you in your life will be ready to listen and will still accept you for who you are.  So don't be afraid to feel something and share those feelings!!

2.  ACCEPT IT :  Let go of trying to justify your mistake. Let go of trying to place blame.  No matter who or what led to your decision, it was still YOUR choice. Just accept that you made a mistake.  It's part of life.  We all make them.  Man up and just take responsibility for the mistake that you made and tell yourself that you want to do better. YOU HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN A VALUABLE LIFE LESSON, but you have to first take responsibility.

3. APOLOGIZE : If your mistake affected another person, it is important that you let them know you are sorry.  They may not be ready to forgive you, but the important thing is that they hear you say it. It's the only way to begin to rebuild trust.  If you are religious, this may be the time to get on your knees and ask forgiveness from your Father in Heaven.  He wants to help you through it and take the guilt off of your shoulders.

4. UNDERSTAND & LEARN : Why did the mistake happen? To avoid making the same mistakes, sometimes we learn of a bad habit that we need to break.  Is there something that could have done to avoid the mistake? Maybe you shouldn't have been in a certain place or been with a certain person at all.  Don't let yourself fall into the "What Ifs" so you can start beating yourself up again, but let yourself see how you got into the situation in the first place so that you can LEARN from them.  We need to learn something from our mistakes to be able to view your them as useful stepping stones on our way to a better life. Learning from them will help us lower the risk of repeating them.

5. LIGHTEN UP : Don't be so hard on yourself! Making mistakes doesn't make you a bad person.  Making stupid decisions doesn't mean you are a stupid person.  It's the way you handle them that determines what kind of person you are. Let go of PERFECTION and you will feel so much lighter.   Handle your mistakes with grace & maturity (by following all of the above steps) and you will slowly start to be able to forgive yourself and move on. 
 

Feeling crazy like Gatsby

We just recently rented The Great Gatsby.  I read this book in high school, but didn't remember much about it other than I don't think I liked it and thought it was boring.  I really think Baz Lurman brought this book to life on the screen.  He was the director of Moulin Rouge also, and you can tell when you watch.  The styles are similar....eye candy.  LOVED Moulin Rouge. 

 Gatsby said something towards the end of the film that struck me:

"If I can just get back to the start...."

He was obsessed with wiping out the 5 years he had lost with his love Daisy.  But he was not just wanting to start over, he was wanting to pretend those 5 years didn't exist basically.  He kind of seemed like he wasn't right in the head, but I sort of got it.  

How many times have I wished that POOF, all the bad things could be whisked away from my memory and I could be sent back in time to do it all over again.  But do it in a better way of course.  In a way that avoids all the pain and heartache.  So many times I've wished this.  That's all Gatsby wanted.  He just wanted to start over.  

 

Nick Carraway told him: “You can’t repeat the past.”

 

“Can’t repeat the past?” he cried incredulously. “Why of course you can!”

 

And he was dead set on making that happen! haha  Sure, he sounds a little crazy, but that HOPE that you feel from him.  You almost believe him!

 

It's just too bad that he lost everything by being obsessed with this goal. If he had just accepted the past for what it was and let it go, he could have moved forward with the love of his life and lived happily ever after. 

 

So yes, I sometimes feel a little crazy like Gatsby, but I do understand that what is done is done.  It's in the past.  There's no redoing it.  No matter how hard a person tries...the past can't be forgotten. It becomes a part of you. It changes you.  Sometimes for the worse, but hopefully for the better. Accepting this is part of moving on.  It won't make everything better, but it's a start.  

"Bottom line is, marriage is HARD"

Let me start by saying I watch a lot of tv and movies on Netflix.  I work on the computer a lot and I used to like to listen to music while I did that, or while I cleaned the house, but now I like to watch shows.  haha  So I kind of watch whatever jumps out at me, or peaks my curiosity. 

I came upon The Kids Are Alright and I was curious about it mainly because I liked all the actors, but also because it had been nominated for an Oscar for best picture and won the Golden Globe for best picture in 2011. 

 

Honestly... I didn't love it.  It was ok, but I probably won't ever watch it again or recommend it.  I give it a 2.5 out of 5 stars. BUT there were a few "moments" that stood out to me that I wanted to share. 

 

One of the main characters had an affair and everyone in the house was upset with her and giving her the cold shoulder and finally when she couldn't take it anymore, she stands in front of her family and says:

 

"Bottom line is, marriage is hard.  It's really freaking hard.  It's just two people sloggin through the crap, year after year, getting older, changing.  It's a freaking marathon, ok? So sometimes, you know, you're together so long, you stop seeing the other person and just see weird projections of your own junk.  Um, instead of talking to each other, you go off the rails and act grubby and make stupid choices.  Which is what I did, and I feel sick about it because I love you guys, and I love your mom, and that's the truth.  Sometimes you hurt the ones you love the most.  I don't know why."

A few things rang true to me in that speech. 

First, that marriage IS hard.  And anyone who says it isn't is either lying or has amnesia. 

Second, it is just a fact that we are all going to change as the years pass.  We learn, we grow, we become different people almost.  Some more than others.  But this is SO important to realize in a marriage because we don't need to be afraid of changes, but we do need to acknowledge and accept them and figure out how to work around them.

Third, when you are with someone for so long, it's easy to get stuck in the same mundane routine day after day and we start to lose sight of what is important in a marriage.  Yes, the mundane routine is probably unavoidable if you are human.  BUT You don't have to only have vanilla ice cream every single day!  While vanilla ice cream MUST be eaten every day, it doesn't mean you can't throw some different toppings on here and there to spice it up a little! Catch my drift? 

Fourth, the WORST thing you can do when the above three things are happening is to keep your thoughts to yourself.  You must TALK to each other!!  Talk about what's hard.  Talk about the changes you are feeling.  Talk about what's missing from your marriage.  Talking will help you to CONNECT again and to make sure that you don't "go off the rails and make stupid choices."

And lastly, stupid choices are probably inevitable for everyone.  Nobody is perfect.  Nobody knows how to be in a perfect marriage.  For some darned reason, we DO hurt the ones we love the most.  You don't know how many times I've asked myself WHY?!!  WHY would we do such things that break our loved ones in two?  We just do.  So the best we can do is pick ourselves up and keep trying.  Learn from the stupid choices and try your hardest to not let it happen again. 

I did like how the movie ended.  The couple decided to stay together and work on what they had.  Hopefully they were able to learn from their stupid choices and continue to love each other and live life to the fullest and find happiness again.  I think that's what we all hope for ourselves, don't you think?

Turn to Stone

I felt the need to write today. 

Even though I'm sitting here not sure what I want to write about. 

My last post was quite depressing

which makes sense because I felt quite depressed.

Last week was a hard one also

But I'm feeling better right now

and ok with the decisions I've made

Confident that I can be ok on my own

I'm not feeling terribly inspirational, as I've mentioned before,

but I am listening to this song right now as I write and I like it
Did I mention before that I love music?

I'm sure you can interpret this song in any number of ways

and I'm not going to really attempt to do anything like that here

Nothing  has changed for me in regards to being able to find complete peace until they move, but I'm trying not to think about that right now.

I'm trying to focus on my home responsibilities

I'm trying to focus on the rest of summer before it's over

I'm trying to focus on my marriage

I'm trying to focus on the things I have left that make me feel happy

Here are the lyrics if you are interested:

let's take a better look
beyond a story book
and learn our souls are all we own
before we turn to stone

let's go to sleep with clearer heads
and hearts too big to fit our beds
and maybe we won't feel so alone
before we turn to stone

and if you wait for someone else's hand
you will surely fall down
if you wait for someone else's hand
you'll fall, you'll fall

i know that i am nothing new
theres so much more than me and you
but brother how we must atone
before we turn to stone

Don't Be In A Hurry

Since finding out about the affair 9 months ago, my life has really slowed down a TON.

That is probably because I dropped everything I was doing.

 I dropped facebook, I dropped friend activities, book club, etc.

And you know what??

I've liked it.

I look at some of my friends that are ALWAYS on the go and it exhausts me. (not that there is anything wrong with that and maybe they just LOVE their life that way and that is fine)

But I used to be that kind of person and I wonder why?

What for?

Why did I need to participate in EVERYTHING that was going on?

I mean, I think certain things are important...mainly where service comes in like watching other people's kids or making someone dinner, etc.

But anyone out there who feels like they can't have a gap in their schedule :

I challenge you to just take ONE WEEK and not schedule anything.

 Spend more quiet time with your kids and with your husband and with yourself.

 Don't get on facebook.

Don't be in a hurry to cross everything off of your to-do list.

Like the song says : Let the world go on without you (because it will).  Enjoy the beautiful weather that we are having and breathe it in. 

It might help to imagine you live on the prairie like Laura Ingles. haha

 

You know my old car needs washing

And the front yard needs a trim

And the telephone keeps ringing

And the bossman knows I know it's him

And the bills ain't gonna pay themselves

Don't matter anyway

'Cause I ain't in no hurry today

Nothing wrong when I know

Cane fishing pole and smell of early spring

Sit down in a fold up easy chair

On a quiet, shady river bank

Let the world go on without me

Wouldn't have it any other wa

y'Cause I ain't in no hurry today

Ain't in no hurry, 

I'd be a fool now to worry

About all those things I can't change

And the time that I borrow can wait till tomorrow

'Cause I ain't in no hurry today

When I must return to the cold, cold ground

Have 'em take their time when they lay their sinner down

Heaven knows that I ain't perfect, ways of little Caine

And I plan to raise a whole lot more before I hear those angels sing

Gonna get by with the Lord

But there'll be hell to pay

But I ain't in no hurry

Ain't in no hurry,

 I'd be a fool now to worry

About all those things I can't change

And the time that I borrow can wait till tomorrow

'Cause I ain't in no hurry, ain't in no hurry, ain't in no hurry today