Gossip Girl, Soulmates & Protecting Your Relationship

 I have finished yet another television series on Netflix!  Honestly, I started this one out of pure boredom...I needed a new show to watch as I did chores around the house and I couldn't really find one that stood out to me.  I am a HUGE 'judge a book by it's cover' person, even though I know it's wrong...I can't help it!  I always REFUSED to watch Gossip Girl because it looked so, well, for a lack of a better word...slutty.  I kept thinking there have GOT to be other shows out there like Parenthood (all time favorite), but I searched and searched and can never find anything! If you have any favorites, please comment! haha

 

ANYWAY, Gossip Girl always DID catch my eye because I knew Blake Lively from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and LOVE that movie.

 

AND I knew Leighton Meester from Country Strong...

 

 

SOOOOOOO, I gave in.  I tried the first episode.  I think I rolled my eyes because it was exactly how I expected it to be.  BUT, I let myself watch a few episodes and of course, it hooked me in...I wanted to see what happens with these characters.  

 

Would I recommend it? Eh, I don't know...it was interesting...but seriously just like a soap opera, but glammed up.  haha Seriously, all of the main characters had dated and/or slept with everyone in the main group at one time or another, but of course they were all still friends in the end. ;)  A little ridiculous if you ask me, but oh well...I watched it...all 6 seasons! 

It did, however, reinforce something I always knew. 

The importance of protecting your relationship.

 

I'm not sure I believe in soul mates.

I don't think that there is ONLY one person that can make you happy

or that there is ONLY one person you click with completely

 

I believe

that if you spend enough time with a person,

that you can grow to love them.

Just as many people will say that their love for their spouse GROWS with every passing day.

Look at arranged marriages...yes, not every one of them ends up perfectly happy,

BUT, there are so many that DO!

They perhaps start more as a friendship

but as they spend so much time together and learn more about each other,

 it gives them the opportunity to connect emotionally,

which often times leads to LOVE.

 

Look at how many times we hear about actors or actresses that get divorced and end up with someone they worked with in a movie!

Is it because they finally found the person they were MEANT to be with?!

NO! I don't think so AT ALL.

I think it's because they spent hundreds of hours working intimately with this person

and love grew out of that friendship.

 

What I'm trying to say is

 BE CAREFUL of friendships of the opposite sex.

I'm not going to say that you can't be "friends" with a member of the opposite sex

But I AM going to say I don't believe that it is a very SAFE place.

 

I have watched my husband over the years be very friendly with everyone he meets

He is a good friend

He is easy to talk to

He enjoys good conversation with other people.

But many times when he has let himself talk to another woman more than he should,

it gets out of hand. 

Without him meaning it to.

 

But that's just it. 

We are human

We are going to make mistakes

BUT that doesn't mean we can't take appropriate measures to help assure we don't keep making the same ones, right? 

Boundaries are OK. 

It is so important to safeguard our relationship.

Anything can happen.

I'm telling you people, ANYTHING can happen.

And it can happen completely out of the blue.

Just be careful.

That's all I wanted to say.

Relating to Parenthood, the TV show

Absolutely LOVE this show! The actors are so REAL and genuine...they do an amazing job.  It's the kind of show you wish would just go on FOREVER!! My husband and I watch this together and I love it.  Lots of FEEL GOOD moments that can bring you closer together.  There are also so many story lines that people in all different situations can relate to.  I highly, highly recommend this show.

 

The most recent episodes have been a little difficult to watch for me. We are in the middle of season 5 and Julia and Joel have been having a hard time in the marriage.  Joel's job has been very demanding of his time and they have been feeling a DISCONNECT. This will happen to all of us. I have mentioned before, that it is just normal that there will be times of disconnect in our relationships.  That's not the bad part.  The bad part is when we don't recognize it until it's too late, OR we recognize it, but don't do anything about it.

In Joel and Julia's case...they just can't get on the same page.  And in the meantime, there is another parent from their kids school, Ed Brooks, that has formed a friendship with Julia.  They have formed feelings for each other and when Julia recognized that this was not appropriate, she tried to tell Ed that they can't be friends anymore.  Needless to say, that conversation ended with Ed kissing her.  

 

This storyline really hits home with me.  My husband's affair started the same way.  He formed a friendship with another woman and he felt connected to her in a way that he had NOT been feeling with me at that time.  In this type of situation, the persons involved don't go into the friendship looking for an affair or planning on one.  IT JUST HAPPENS. IT JUST HAPPENS people. 

 

Julia didn't know what to do...she was confused for her feelings for Ed...she feels like he "Sees" her.  It is just SO crazy, because this is what my husband had told me about the woman he had the affair with.  "She understood him". 

She went to her older brother Adam and I LOVE the advice he gave her:

"Julia, listen to me, whatever is feeling good right now about Ed, is just related to how bad things are feeling with Joel, alright?  And it is not worth it.  It's not about him, this is about you and Joel. And you've got to focus on your marriage.  It's about you and your family. It's not worth it, ok? You've got to get this guy out of your life and forget about him.  Figure your stuff out with Joel. "

Isn't that amazing? I wish that everyone had someone like that to talk to...to get them back on course when confused.  I hope that can speak to any of you out there that might be feeling a disconnect with your spouse and feeling like turning to someone else who you feel might understand you better.  DON'T DO IT.  IT'S NOT WORTH IT.  YOU CAN GET BACK WHAT YOU HAD WITH YOUR SPOUSE.  YOU CAN! The disconnect doesn't mean it's over and the new connection does NOT mean you might be meant to be with that other person.  But you need to TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE about it.  Get help if you need to. But your marriage CAN and WILL get better if you both work on it.

 The other part that really hit home was the part where Joel confronted Julia and asked if she was having an affair.  BEGGED HER TO TELL HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON.  That if there is anything he needed to know to TELL HIM PLEASE!

 

I had a moment like that before finding out about the affair.  I confronted my husband and asked "Is there something going on?"  And he did just as Julia did and told me No, there's nothing going on.  But I'm telling you....WE FEEL IT.  We may not be able to articulate that it's an affair or whatever, but we FEEL THAT SOMETHING IS OFF.  I talked more about this experience here: http://mrdarcycheated.blogspot.com/2013/08/a-freaky-journal-entry.html

I just WISH he would have talked to me about it!!!! I had NO CLUE that anything was feeling off in our marriage.  I would do anything to go back and have him tell me the truth in that moment. JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER PEOPLE! The truth needs to come out for the fixing to begin.

 

Not everyone has a happy ending to these situations.  Sometimes the betrayed party feels that it is too hard to get over and would rather leave than work on it.  Sometimes the one who betrayed decides to see if the grass is greener on the other side.  But I am CROSSING MY FINGERS that Joel and Julia can work this out and we can see more of this:

 

Why I Fight For My Marriage

 

It's a question no one wants to think about.

What would YOU do if your husband cheated on you?

As women, I think we'd want to be strong

and kick him to the curb!

Is that being strong?

I suppose in some situations it could be

But in mine, it would have been the easy way out.

 

I'd like to think I'm being strong

by STAYING and FIGHTING for my marriage.

 

For me, I knew the man that cheated on me was not the same man I married

But I BELIEVED he was still in there somewhere

 I chose to give him a second chance

And the time it took to come back to me

I chose to fight for the love I knew we had always had

and to HOPE that we could find it again.

 

It was NOT easy

It was one of the hardest things I've ever done

But I'm so grateful I did.

Because even though a terrible mistake happened,

I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else.

 

I got the above quote from the TV series "Brothers & Sisters"

You can see the full quote below

When I heard it, it really struck a chord with me.

That I wasn't only fighting for ME, or for HIM

But I was fighting for US

I was fighting for our FAMILY

 

So why do I fight for my marriage?

Because it is worth fighting for.

 

 

I'd rather dream about zombies

My husband and I watched Walking Dead's season 3 finale last night before we went to bed.  As we walked to our room in the dark, my husband proceeded to make zombie noises to try and scare me.  He got a good slap for that one.  Rude!

 

So WHY is it that I didn't dream about this horrifying show and instead dreamed about my husband having an affair??!!  I didn't dream about the details of the affair that's already destroyed me, I dreamed that I found out my husband was having consecutive affairs with different people over the entire course of our marriage.  One of the WORST. DREAMS. EVER!  And in my dream, he was having affairs with several women I knew and it was devastating to find this out because it was clear that my husband had some kind of problem that couldn't be fixed and I would have no choice but to leave him. It was almost like he was some kind of sociopath.

I never thought I'd say this, but I'd rather dream about zombies!!! 

 

I woke up in a sweat.  I hate when dreams feel so real.  When they start to make me question whether any part of them are true.  I looked in a dream dictionary for an interpretation and found this:

 

To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you highlights your insecurities and your fears of being abandoned. You feel that you are being taken for granted. You are lacking attention in the relationship or that he or she is being less affectionate. Alternatively, you feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others. 

 

That is very interesting because I would agree that I still have a lot of fears and insecurities.  I've also been feeling like I don't get as much attention from him, now that more time has passed and we don't talk about the affair as much. I feel like I still need to be showered with love and attention all day every day! But of course that is not realistic...I mean, he has a job to go to.  But I still find myself wanting MORE from him.

My review of "Felicity"

 

Ok, this is part of my nerdy-ness, but I love television.  What can I say? And Netflix is a DREAM because I love watching the entire series at once and not having to wait 5 years before seeing the end! Everyone really should watch TV this way. ;) (and by the way I am always doing something while I watch so I feel productive...laundry, dishes, cooking, etc...just so you know. haha)

 

Anyway, I remember watching SOME Felicity back when it was airing.  I think my husband and I would watch occasionally after we were married...so we probably only watched a season or two.  But we had watched enough to be able to recognize "Sean" and "Meghan" when we saw them together in the Salt Lake airport back around 2001 or something.  I'm not one that rushes to get autographs or anything, but my husband made me go say hello and tell them that we love Felicity. Greg Grunberg shook my hand. ;)

Anyway, I liked the first couple seasons because each episode would start and end with Felicity talking into a cassette tape that would be mailed to a friend and then we usually hear the friend talking in response at some point towards the end.  And in these "letters" they had some interesting things to say about life and I would write them down. Such as: 

 

"I'm convinced that tragedy wants to harden us.  And our mission is to never let it."

 

"I guess I'm learning little by little that we decide what our lives are going to be.  Things happen to us, but it's our reactions that matter."

 

"Bad things just happen.  No reason and no purpose.  They just occur and we are left to pick up the pieces.  I guess that's what we're all doing all the time.  Just picking up the pieces the best we can."

 

"I'm a firm believer in the power of change.  The hardest part about moving forward is not looking back."

 

So I was really enjoying these little pieces of inspiration, but then the last couple seasons changed.  They didn't do that anymore.  So I was a little disappointed that they didn't continue on that idea and on top of it all it got a little more depressing.  The characters really went through some crazy stuff.

 

So overall, if I have a rating from 0-5, I would give Felicity 3.5 stars.  I loved the characters...they did a great job with that. but I didn't like the turn that the story line took and then I didn't love how they ended it either.  It was creative, but seemed really weird for a show like this.  Worth watching if you need something to do. ;)

 

 

Is Matthew REALLY dead??!!

Ok, I know I'm a little behind the rest of the world, but my husband and I just finished Season 3 of Downton Abbey and it was a SHOCK!  We fell in love with Matthew and Mary as a couple and they were so happy once they finally got married! It was so beautiful!  The day he died he had just met his newborn son and was happily driving to tell the rest of the family.  We finished the episode and my husband said, "I don't like that.  I'm probably not going to want to watch anymore." haha  We are such nerds!!

 

But I was in denial that he is really dead.  Is there still a chance for him??  I guess not many unconscious people look like that with their eyes open.  He looks pretty dead.  Darn it.  And then I found an article where the actor that plays Matthew talked about why he needed to leave.  (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/downton-abbey/9765334/Dan-Stevens-Why-I-left-Downton-Abbey.html) So that settled it.  He's really dead and I'm so sad! haha  Goodbye Matthew, we really will miss you.  What a good guy he was.....