My review of "Felicity"

 

Ok, this is part of my nerdy-ness, but I love television.  What can I say? And Netflix is a DREAM because I love watching the entire series at once and not having to wait 5 years before seeing the end! Everyone really should watch TV this way. ;) (and by the way I am always doing something while I watch so I feel productive...laundry, dishes, cooking, etc...just so you know. haha)

 

Anyway, I remember watching SOME Felicity back when it was airing.  I think my husband and I would watch occasionally after we were married...so we probably only watched a season or two.  But we had watched enough to be able to recognize "Sean" and "Meghan" when we saw them together in the Salt Lake airport back around 2001 or something.  I'm not one that rushes to get autographs or anything, but my husband made me go say hello and tell them that we love Felicity. Greg Grunberg shook my hand. ;)

Anyway, I liked the first couple seasons because each episode would start and end with Felicity talking into a cassette tape that would be mailed to a friend and then we usually hear the friend talking in response at some point towards the end.  And in these "letters" they had some interesting things to say about life and I would write them down. Such as: 

 

"I'm convinced that tragedy wants to harden us.  And our mission is to never let it."

 

"I guess I'm learning little by little that we decide what our lives are going to be.  Things happen to us, but it's our reactions that matter."

 

"Bad things just happen.  No reason and no purpose.  They just occur and we are left to pick up the pieces.  I guess that's what we're all doing all the time.  Just picking up the pieces the best we can."

 

"I'm a firm believer in the power of change.  The hardest part about moving forward is not looking back."

 

So I was really enjoying these little pieces of inspiration, but then the last couple seasons changed.  They didn't do that anymore.  So I was a little disappointed that they didn't continue on that idea and on top of it all it got a little more depressing.  The characters really went through some crazy stuff.

 

So overall, if I have a rating from 0-5, I would give Felicity 3.5 stars.  I loved the characters...they did a great job with that. but I didn't like the turn that the story line took and then I didn't love how they ended it either.  It was creative, but seemed really weird for a show like this.  Worth watching if you need something to do. ;)

 

 

Happy AND Sad

Every spring, it's always an amazing sight to see buds on the trees but yet snow on the mountains.  (Can you see the mountains in the background? It's kind of hard to tell) In fact, here in Salt Lake City it seems to have snowed the last week in April for the last few years I've lived here! Just because there are buds doesn't mean the snow is gone for good.

I'm amazed that two completely different things can exist at the same time.  When I think about this, I think about the feelings and thoughts that go through my head.  About how one moment I am hurt, angry and feeling like the pain will never end and then the next moment I can actually feel like my life is good and feel the love I have with my husband.  Two completely different feelings kind of playing tug-a-war inside my mind and heart and they can change back and forth in an instant.

 

I haven't read the book The Perks of Being A Wallflower, but I found this quote from it:

Of course I would prefer to be happy.  Who wouldn't?  But I also know that we could not know true happiness without feeling the sad, which makes it hard to not be grateful for the sad.  I'm just tired of the back and forth.  Can I just be TRULY happy for a long stretch of time? That's all I ask.

Pesto, Ham & Avacado Panini

Did you know today is National Grilled Cheese Day? Well it is and in honor of this day, I put made sure to put some cheese on my grilled Panini. ;)

Pesto makes anything taste good.  Wouldn't you agree?  I'm really not a sandwich girl.  If I'm at home, the last thing I want to make myself is a sandwich for lunch.  But if I can grill it, it makes it much more appealing to me.  I also just happened to have some pesto and an avocado in the fridge.  So I whipped this up and put it in my George Foreman and it was so warm and tasty that I thought I should share.

PESTO, HAM & AVACADO PANINI

2 slices bread, any kind of your choosing
6 thin slices deli ham
1/4 avocado
1 slice provolone cheese
2 Tbsp pesto

Butter or oil the bread and then layer your sandwich.  If you don't have a Panini maker, just put it in a skillet on the stovetop at med heat. Enjoy! 

No more annoying cords!!

I found this amazing product one day when I was at the Pixels Foto & Frame (8934 S State St., Sandy, UT). 

It's called The APPLECORE!

We have so many electronics these days, that don't you find your house is just cluttered with cords!!?? I found these and I am in love. You can keep the cord the length you need it to be, but then wrap up the rest of it around the Applecore. Genius!! I love their tagline : "An applecore a day keeps the tangles away!"

You can find them online at Applecore International

 

April 2013 General Conference Quotes

Just wanted to share some of my favorite quotes from The April 2013 LDS General Conference.

Is Matthew REALLY dead??!!

Ok, I know I'm a little behind the rest of the world, but my husband and I just finished Season 3 of Downton Abbey and it was a SHOCK!  We fell in love with Matthew and Mary as a couple and they were so happy once they finally got married! It was so beautiful!  The day he died he had just met his newborn son and was happily driving to tell the rest of the family.  We finished the episode and my husband said, "I don't like that.  I'm probably not going to want to watch anymore." haha  We are such nerds!!

 

But I was in denial that he is really dead.  Is there still a chance for him??  I guess not many unconscious people look like that with their eyes open.  He looks pretty dead.  Darn it.  And then I found an article where the actor that plays Matthew talked about why he needed to leave.  (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/downton-abbey/9765334/Dan-Stevens-Why-I-left-Downton-Abbey.html) So that settled it.  He's really dead and I'm so sad! haha  Goodbye Matthew, we really will miss you.  What a good guy he was.....

Warm, Cozy Socks

I still sigh when I get to a Thursday.  I'm not very good at this.  I think I may make another post today because I have a feeling this is going to be as lame as last week's.

1.  Warm, cozy socks - seriously it is so cold around here lately.  We keep the thermostat pretty low and I would not survive without these socks I got from Costco!

2. The Sunlight - We haven't seen it in days around here. Good too see it again. Amazing how it really does make the day feel happier!

3. The school bus - Just dropped my kids off to catch the bus. So grateful I don't need to drive them all the way to school!  I guess I should also be grateful for the bus driver!

4. A clean house - I just caught up on all the housework and laundry and everything is put away. It feels so good!

5.  Car Seat Warmers - I had never had a car that had these until just less than a year ago. I don't know how I ever survived winter without them!

 

(Can you tell I've been cold lately? ha!)

After The Storm : Mumford & Sons

I love music.  One of my most recent favorite groups is Mumford & Sons and they have this song called "After The Storm".  Go ahead, push play and read through the lyrics as you listen. 

It could have a number of interpretations, but I choose to see the meaning to be about overcoming hardship and not letting yourself be destroyed over it. And learning to love one's self and being able to trust in love again. (all easier said than done, of course)

The chorus really hits me hard. I start to cry every time.  Will there be a time with no more tears? Where my heart will no longer get broken?  What is the hill I need to get over? Perhaps my hang-up over my situation...stuck in the same ward with her; being angry at her. I don't know.  But what a pleasant thought to make it over my hill and see what I find there with grace in my heart and flowers in my hair.  I wish I could be that beautiful person.....

 

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart,
I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand
And we stood tall,
And remembered our own land,
What we lived for.

And there will come a time,
you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart,
but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see
what you find there,
With grace in your heart
and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.

And I will die alone
and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
because death is just so full
and man so small.
Well I'm scared of what's behind
and what's before.

And there will come a time,
you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart,
but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see
what you find there,
With grace in your heart
and flowers in your hair.

And there will come a time,
you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart,
but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see
what you find there,
With grace in your heart
and flowers in your hair

Will it ever get better?

It's amazing how good you can feel one day and how horrible the next.  Today I am crying, and wondering what I'm doing with myself.  Why am I blogging?  I wonder if I'm trying to fill a void that I feel in my life.  A void that is now present because of the betrayal.  I just feel like there's this big gaping hole and when I really think about it, I realize how empty I really feel.  I have no desire to reunite myself with friends in the ward and neighborhood. I feel I don't have the strength to hold a calling.  I can barely keep the attention span to read a book. 

But I think a big part of me misses my life before the affair happened. I miss who I was and how other people saw me and knew they could come to me as a friend. And it makes me sad.  I feel sad enough to just want to hole up in my bedroom and never come out. 

I'm sad that people I care(d) about could cause the hurt that I'm feeling.  I always felt like I was a good person with good intentions and I feel like I'm being punished for it.  I still have my days of wondering how I could have ended up here.  And wondering if I'll ever feel completely happy again. 

Days like today I wish I could just get away from it all.  I wish I could move far away and just start over. I just need a fresh start.  But what's the point in wishing for something that is not going to happen.  I am here and I need to deal with it.  Just not finding the strength today.

Buffalo Chicken Enchiladas

Since the affair I have had the hardest time doing ANYTHING that I used to love to do.  I think it's a little depression.  But one of those things is cooking.  When you are feeling blah, it's really hard to motivate yourself to do anything more than the basic tasks to survive! 

But, birthdays are motivating.  So that's what it took for me to whip out these delicious babies. My husband loves everything to do with buffalo chicken.  Happy Birthday my sweet!

Buffalo Chicken Enchiladas

1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cooked and finely shredded
14 oz can red enchilada sauce (I used mild)
1/2 cup buffalo wing sauce
1/2 cup chopped green onions
3 cups cups shredded mozzarella cheese (or more if you love cheesiness)
8 tortillas
1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Spray a 9X13 glass dish with cooking spray.

In a small bowl, mix together enchilada sauce and buffalo wing sauce.  Add more buffalo wing sauce if you need it spicier (I used the mild red sauce and the buffalo wing sauce made it spicy enough for me).

In a large bowl, mix the shredded chicken, half the green onions, 2 cups mozzarella cheese and 1/4 cup blue cheese.  Pour in half the enchilada sauce and mix well.  Fill each tortilla with desired amount, roll and place in baking dish.  Once all tortillas are in the dish, pour the remaining sauce over the top and then add extra cheeses.

Bake for 20 minutes or until cheese is melted.  When you take it out of the oven you can top them with remaining green onions. YUM!

(Adapted from The Novice Chef)

Double Stuff Oreos

I can't really title every 'Thankful Thursday' post as Thankful Thursday, so I decided to always make the title what the first thing is on my list.  (oh, and I know it's Friday, but my Thursday post got interrupted by other news: Can Someone Explain This To Me?)

 

(There was a long pause here.  For some reason it's really hard for me to sit and think about this)

 

1.  Double Stuff Oreos - I just bought some today and they are oh so heavenly dipped in milk

2.  Books - I really do love to read...even though I have had a hard time focusing on reading as much as I used to

3. My kids' brains - They seriously make my life as a mom so easy...they are so stinking smart!

4.  My camera - It's amazing how much you can fall in love with a photograph and I love that I have a nice camera to capture special moments

5.  Music - you'll probably find that I'll talk a lot about music and lyrics.  Music really speaks to me in ways that nothing else can. 

 

This is random, but Speaking of music...what are your favorite Pandora stations?

 

My number one is GLEE ( I love how it brings in a lot of broadway), but I also like the Mumford and Sons station or Taylor Swift.

 

Just curious
 

Can someone explain this to me?

Words can not describe the things that went through my head as I saw these in the bakery yesterday.  I found myself wondering how someone could deface such a beautiful and delicious maple donut.  Maple donuts are one of my favorites.  Especially if it has a custard filling.  mmmmmm

 

And don't get me wrong. I also have a love for bacon.  But I think it is just sick and wrong to combine the two together.  Yes, you might tell me I can't judge until I try it, but I can't even imagine even taking a bite out of that thing!

 

Can someone please explain to me what they were thinking when they created this???!!  I'm sorry, I feel like this needed immediate attention, so my Thankful Thursday post has been moved to tomorrow. ;)

Keep Breathing

Go ahead and push play and listen as you read. Ingrid Michaelson is one of my favorite artists and this is a beautiful song by her. So simple, but yet haunting and inspiring at the same time.  I love that it starts slow and soothing and leads into the lyric :  " The storm is coming but I don't mind.  People are dying, I close my blinds......I want to change the world, instead I sleep.  I want to believe in more than just you and me.  But all I know is I'm breathing."

I used to be the person that would come running when help was needed.  I used to be the person that seeked out opportunities to help others...especially the women around me.  Lately I feel like I'm in my own small bubble.  I hear about things happening...babies being born, friends having a struggle, a friend's birthday, my neighbor having a miscarriage, etc  and I can't get myself to do anything about it.  It's not that I don't care, because I do.  But I can't muster up the energy to support or help them. 

The song starts to build as she sings over and over "All I can do is keep breathing, all I can do is keep breathing"....  And I feel like that is my anthem at the moment.  All I can do is keep breathing and take care of my family right now.  I do ache for the person that I once was, but I have lost sight of that person.  That person paid TOO MUCH attention to everything going on around her and couldn't meet her husband's needs and she got betrayed.  So I can't go back. HOW could I go back to being that person?  I don't want to hurt like this ever again.  Please don't let me hurt like this again.   

Adventure out into the world

 

There was a point after the affair was revealed that both my husband and I were kind of in a FUNK.  It was probably a little bit of depression.  We would talk about how we are not feeling much from life right now.  We started feeling really BLAH just thinking about how we wake up, go through our day (work, school, housework) and then have dinner and ultimately end up going to bed and then starting again the next day.  We talked about what could help us find more PURPOSE and HAPPINESS. 

 

We decided that ONE thing (out of several we discussed) that helps is to have adventures to look forward to!  Maybe we can't have an adventure every day, but we can start making plans.  What are the things you've always wanted to do?  We love to EXPLORE new places and now that our kids are a little older, we want to explore with them as well.  We took a vacation to St. George, Utah and yes, we have been there before, but we sought out things we haven't done yet while visiting there. 

 

It's amazing what can happen when you think about HOPES, DREAMS or ASPIRATIONS for your life.  My problem is usually remembering what they are sometimes or forgetting to work towards them.  So one tip for you : WRITE THEM DOWN!  It can be simple as keeping a list in your phone.  Your phone is something you take with you everywhere...so any time an idea pops in your head, you can whip it out and add it to the list!  Start making a list NOW!

 

Anyway, while on vacation, we wanted to hike, but wanted something closer to town than Snow Canyon.  We found the Dixie Overlook Trail off of Red Hills Parkway at about 400 N and 200 E near Pioneer Park.  They had picnic tables and a pavilion.  There were several different trails all around, so you could choose the difficulty.  The kids mainly had fun exploring and the VIEWS were incredible.  It's nice to look out on the world and remember how wonderful and beautiful life really is.

 

 

Can I hire a hitman?

With a title like that, you can tell that it has not been such a good day today.  You know what I mean...first I feel like googling someone who might be willing to take HER out for a reasonable amount of money.  But then comes the uncontrollable sobbing, swollen face, mascara on the pillow and feeling utterly alone and hopeless.  I really need to turn this around somehow.  It's almost like I REFUSE to be happy until SHE is completely out of my life.  For anyone who reads this, can you just say a quick little prayer or cross your fingers for me that SHE will move?  

 

I know you want to say "Don't let her have this kind of power over you!!" But guess what, she doesn't get any pleasure from seeing me down.  She was my friend and she made a big fat mistake and has apologized profusely.  She WANTS me to be happy again and wants my marriage to work out because it will make her feel better to see that.  So it makes me want to do the opposite because I feel like I'm never going to let her forget what she did to me and how much it has broken me.   

 

I really would love to find someone out there who has gone through this same thing.  All the blogs I find, the affair is not with someone who lives 5 houses away.  I want to know how someone else handled this!!  I am finding that I can not be friends with anyone who she is friends with and that is pretty hard because we had pretty much all the same friends.  So I isolate myself and tell myself I don't need any of them anyway. She can have them all. Whatever.  And then it builds and builds until I breakdown in a silent rage of swearing, name calling and crying.

 

Someone please tell me what to do.  And I don't want to hear "Oh, hunny, you've got to let it go and move on. That anger is going to eat you alive".  I want to hear a solution that doesn't include me having to be the bigger person and forgive, forget and get on with my life. 

 

Can WE move?  Let's just say that I would have been gone already if my husband were on board.  Would it be hard financially? Yes.  It would be financially impossible to buy another home right now, so we would have to rent this one out and rent somewhere else. We bought a home that we LOVE and that we have put a lot of time into and when we moved here we planned to stay until we grow old.  But I am willing to give that all up to just get the heck out of here.  I feel trapped.  I feel like I'm suffocating.  And there's a building resentment growing towards my husband for not letting us move. 

 

I just feel so alone.  My husband says he is there for me, but I feel like he should be willing to do anything to put me out of my misery.  He thinks moving isn't the answer.  Well, sorry for not trusting that he has any of the right answers after what he did.